Unrepentant 26- Epilogue

This cloak made Lin Size exhausted, and it also made Jiang Haifu startled till he choked.

From Jiang Haifu's perspective, Lin Size was just recollecting so hard he had developed some mental issue, and had developed a severe hallucination.

And because of this, Lin Size stubbornly pushed the departure date for Hu prefecture even earlier, wanting to leave once dawn arrived.

The night slowly deepened, and Lin Size sat within Zhang Gan hall, his hand still gripping that cloak, his eyes looking ahead, a bit listlessly.

Gu Hongjian sat beside him, calmly looking at him.

"Hong jian" Lin Size suddenly said, lightly.

Gu Hongjian was startled, jumping, and then responding, "Hmm?"

Of course Lin Size wouldn't be able to hear, he was only mumbling to himself, "Gu Hongjian, are you here?"

"Mmm." Gu Hongjian softly nodded.

Lin Size said, "Probably should be...... this cloak was indeed something you draped over me, right?"

"That's right, I've already said it many times." Gu Hongjian was a bit impatient.

Lin Size said, "If you're by my side, why don't you appear? Why did you only write that one phrase to leave me...... Hongjian, do you hate me very much?"

"Hate you. Ah. I also want to appear, ah. In the middle of the night, when there's nothing to do, scaring you is also good, unfortunately, I can't do it. Ah......" Gu Hongjian helplessly sighed.

Lin Size said, "But since you hate me, why did you still cover me with this? Gu Hongjian....... hah."

"I just coincidentally draped it around you. How was I supposed to know that I could suddenly touch something!" Gu Hongjian could only say with dissatisfaction.

Lin Size said, "This might very well be my last night in the capital."

"Mmm?"

"Hah...... I know that right now I'm not fit for going to Hu prefecture, that I'm probably going to lose my life there if I go. But you're there, so I must go." Lin Size said softly, "If you're still alive, I'll bring you back; if you want to be a big official, you can continue being your unrivaled Assistant Gu, even Chancellor Gu. But if you're tired, and only want to be a little woman, then enter the harem and be my empress, and if you find even this bothersome, then...... I also won't be the emperor anymore, and will accompany you to be a normal person, okay?"

Gu Hongjian lightly said, "Okay."

Lin Size continued talking to himself, his voice extremely quiet and soft, "If you've really died, then...... I'll accompany you. Okay?"

In this moment, Gu Hongjian's speculation received its confirmation, Lin Size had already started thinking that way.

Just like the red waters (from silt) would follow the river to its end, a feeling of massive sarsens crushing Gu Hongjian's heart, she lightly shook her head, saying, "No way, no way at all."

But Lin Size couldn't hear it, so he only laughed by himself, "Right now, you're definitely nodding."

Gu Hongjian could only continuously shake her head.

But, this was the first time in the past few days that Lin Size revealed a smile.

However, it was exactly because he had a plan, no matter life or death, he wanted to accompany Gu Hongjian.

It was because of this ridiculous decision, that gave him a little joy, he was probably so very satisfied with this plan.

How could he be so... stupid. Ah.

Gu Hongjian actually could only calmly sit by his side, unable to do anything, unable to persuade or respond, looking tiredly, while the satisfied Lin Size, hugged that cloak, slowly drifting off to sleep.

This type of Lin Size was entirely foreign to Gu Hongjian.

Vulnerable and at the same time, ignorant, but, his whole mind was filled with her.

Gu Hongjian thought, nobody exists that, without anyone else wouldn't be able to continue living, without her, Lin Size obviously could continue living very well.

Although she couldn't but admit, if right now the two had their identities switched, she would also make the same decision.

But Lin Size shouldn't be like this, the love between them, from the beginning had not been balanced.

But rather suddenly, this love had become balanced.

After the separation of life and death.

***

After Lin Size rose at the hour of Zheng, Jiang Haifu naturally followed along, privately Xiang Jun had also made a ruckus over wanting to follow along, but Jiang Haifu had here stay by on one hand by the side, and thus Xiang Jun could only continue to stay within the palace, sweeping floors over there.

And because the situation was peculiar, and the timing was tight, Lin Size didn't bring many people, rushing along recklessly with no care for his life. He didn't sit within a carriage, but rather rode a horse, to guarantee the faster speed. On the trip, the time he spent resting was really little, even as a ghost who only had to float along to follow him, just watching him, Gu Hongjian would feel tired.

The most important thing, because Lin Size was riding a horse, it was even more impossible for the others to ride in carriages, and from the beginning, Lin Size had a cold, and must have brought an imperial doctor, so having to find amongst all the imperial doctors two who had impeccable medical practice and could also ride horses, also spent a lot of effort...... Jiang Haifu being able to follow along, was also because Jiang Haifu had previously under Lin Size's permission, learned to ride a horse.

Just like that, they continued to make haste the whole trip, with the passage of time, Lin Size experienced a lifestyle absolutely different from the one in the capital, entirely living a lifestyle as if he was on the run from the law, his accomodations were also not good, but nobody dared to say anything.

After all, the emperor with his reckless lack of self-care, the others could only obediently follow along; rather Gu Hongjian, upon seeing the companions get trolled by Lin Size thus, her heart would find it very humorous. Lin Size, this guy, he doesn't even bother thinking even a little bit about those that are following him, how many of them would even be able to handle it, ah......

From the capital to Hu prefecture, rushing so recklessly, it only took a little over half a month to arrive, and the closer they got to Hu prefecture, the more frigid it got, but Lin Size rather managed to, bit by bit, recover.

Gu Hongjian, at the same time she finally managed to relax, also discovered something wrong with herself.

At the beginning, it was still okay, but the closer she got to Hu prefecture, she found herself growing more listless; sometimes, when she was following Lin Size, it took half the day to recover her senses, only to discover that she had been floating in the same spot for who knows how long, as if she would just lose a large segment of her memory out of nowhere.

And she had continuously felt tired, extremely tired.

She doesn't need to sleep, and also can't fall asleep, but that type of tiredness, wasn't due to the lack of sleep, but was a sensation of exhaustion that came out of who knows where.

Little by little, she could no longer gather her attention, occasionally wanting to recollect her memories with Lin Size, had also become difficult.

One time, she was being pulled forward by Lin Size like a kite, looking at the nest atop his head, she unknowingly stared blankly, upon recovering her senses, she was frightened to discover that she had actually forgotten what Lin Size looked like.

She had originally thought she would definitely be unable to forget.

But rather, she, filled with fear, floated down in front of Lin Size, and taking a look at him, the items in her mind began to recover one by one, allowing her to release her baited breath.

Following that, Gu Hongjian discovered, her feet had disappeared.

Although the others couldn't see her, but Gu Hongjian could see herself. She looked just like she did in life, and even wore a water green changshan that she loved to wear the most in life, and that day she had unintentionally lowered her head, and discovered that the part of her body below her knees was gone.

Gu Hongjian was only surprised for a little bit, before her heart calmed down.

She knows, the release from the heavens that she wanted to request, was going to come soon.

It wasn't going to be too long now.

Just as she was disappearing bit by bit, really entirely disappearing, first it was all her memories becoming a little fuzzy, and then it was her existence.

Her soul which had quietly and sneakily appeared by Lin Size's side, would also quietly and sneakily disappear, it was actually...... rather nice.

Gu Hongjian, using her usual calmness and attitude, watched herself slowly disappear, until the night Lin Size finally entered Hu prefecture.

Because the situation in Hu prefecture was special, therefore it was inconvenient to enter the city in the deep night. At the time it was indeed too dark, so they first stayed in a pit stop outside of Hu prefecture to rest. Gu Hongjian followed Lin Size into his room, watching him simply groom himself a bit, as he was tired, it didn't take but a bit for him to fall asleep. She wanted to reach her hand out to touch him a bit, but discovered that her hand had disappeared.

Gu Hongjian smiled bitterly, maybe if she just shut her eyes, she could feel herself disappearing bit by bit.

The final disappearance of herself was smoother than she had imagined; really quickly she lost her entire consciousness-- but a moment later, she willfully felt the changes in the air around her, and thus Gu Hongjian opened her eyes, looking around.

She was surprised to discover, she was actually within the imperial palace.

A thousand miles away, inside the imperial palace?!

Gu Hongjian was shocked for a moment, only to discover that since some time ago, there was the sound of a man from somewhere in front of her; it was Lin Size.

Unless...... she didn't die?!

Gu Hongjian was a bit shocked, rushing forward, wanting to pat Lin Size, but Lin Size seemed as surprised as she was, looking around him, still not noticing Gu Hongjian. And then, Gu Hongjian watched him take big steps into Bai Fu hall.

Gu Hongjian could only rush to follow along.

After floating around for a long time, needing to walk on her own, was really very unfamiliar.

The moment was the hour of Zheng, a beautiful moonlight covered the floor, the Lin Size walking in front of Gu Hongjian suddenly stopped his steps, looking in a certain direction.

Gu Hongjian followed his gaze over there, only to see a few boys surrounding a little boy, hitting and kicking him, and then the boy that was surrounded was even pushed into the pond, and then he slowly crawled his way out.

And then following that, a small little girl appeared from somewhere, and put a wooden box by his side, leaving extremely unwillingly.

Lin Size was mesmerized watching it, Gu Hongjian was the same.

Because it was obvious, this was them from back then.

Lin Size, at the time was completely unconscious, not knowing anything, and Gu Hongjian, although knowing it, after many years, watching this scene with a light and blurry situation, also found it a million times mysterious.

The air around them suddenly shifted, the scene around them shifted from Tai Ye pond to Bai Fu hall, only it was deep in the night.

Gu Hongjian saw a small shadow curled up outside Bai Fu hall, occasionally gazing inside, while the laughter and joyous noises rung inside. It was exactly Lin Size and Zuo Ning Yan, and there was also the voice of third princess.

This was still her, one that had grown a little older, a very sorrowful her.

Gu Hongjian couldn't help but look towards Lin Size.

He had probably also remembered when this was, because he just stoically watched that young Gu Hongjian from that year, seeing the past Gu Hongjian in a place that the past Lin Size couldn't see, secretly curling up her unwillingness weeping.

Lin Size moved a bit, as though he wanted to approach and touch that small, that tiny, that sorrowful Gu Hongjian.

But the scene once again changed, and they arrived outside Cheng Xi hall.

The red walls and the green roof tiles were illuminated by lanterns, the large palace was filled with an auspicious air of happiness, it was filled with bright colors, but outside was cold and breezy. Lin Size saw Gu Hongjian fly up the roof, standing there for a very, very long time. Seeing her cold until she quivered, but still staring in the direction of Cheng Xi hall.

Lin Size shut his eyes, upon opening them, he was already standing outside Zhao Hong hall, running into himself, who had just thrown open the doors to leave. He didn't bother paying attention to that Lin Size, but rather took a few steps towards Zhao Hong hall. Expectedly, saw Gu Hongjian sitting inside, she stood within the messy hall, her eyes rimmed with red, but didn't have any expression, only staring blankly at the shattered tea set on the ground.

And afterwards, she bent over to pick up those shattered tea sets, but ended up cutting her hands, big drops of blood dripped out, as though it was going to dye this whole imaginary scene red. Lin Size wanted to approach, but seeing that place that was unceasingly bleeding, had already turned into Gu Hongjian's chest.

She was wearing her military uniform, but was lying sideways atop the yellow dirt by the royal banner, a blade sticking out of her chest.

She hadn't yet shet her eyes, her beautiful eyes were still calmly open, as though she was staring at the sky, or perhaps she was paying attention tot he past, but her body, was already slowly cooling.

Lin Size finally could not hold back, kneeling beside Gu Hongjian's corpse, touching the temperature-less face, which had also been stained by the dirt, crying painfully and yet silently.

And the real Gu Hongjian was just like this, standing by her own corpse and beside Lin Size, taking this all in.

But Lin Size, upon crying for a bit, suddenly felt something, wilfully lifted his head, and unbelievingly looked at Gu Hongjian.

Gu Hongjian originally was filled with sorrow, but, being seen by him now, was suddenly momentarily scared.

Lin Size said, "......Hongjian?"

Gu Hongjian, shockingly looked at him, "You...... can see me now?"

Lin Size stood up, saying, "It's really you? Gu Hongjian?!"

As he said this, he wanted to lower his head, to take a look at that corpse, but discovered that there wasn't a corpse on the ground, and there also wasn't any yellow dirt or scattered snow, around them there wasn't anywhere identifiable, only a consistent empty void.

Lin Size suddenly smiled bitterly, uttering, "I know now...... it's another dream."

Gu Hongjian was a bit frustrated looking at Lin Size, then thinking of something, she reached her hand out to pinch herself.

It doesn't hurt.

It doesn't hurt at all.

It is indeed a dream.

She stood on her toes, and harshly pinched Lin Size's cheeks. Lin Size didn't resist her pinching at all, and after the pinching, Gu Hongjian awkwardly retracted her hand, smiling at him, asked, "Does it hurt?"

"...... It doesn't hurt." Lin Size shook his head, "how could it hurt in a dream."

"There's no feeling at all, right?" Gu Hongjian said.

Lin Size nodded his head, still concentrating his gaze on her.

Gu Hongjian bitterly smiled, saying, "Indeed it's with a dream, ah."

Lin Size, as though amused by her, rather temperately said, "The you within the dream would even bother saying something so like in real life? Today, this dream is too realistic."

Gu Hongjian blinked her eyes, saying, "I also don't know if I am a dream. But, a moment ago, the things we just saw, those all really happened."

Lin Size blanked out, saying, "What?"

"Only, it's all stuff I knew, but you didn't know." Gu Hongjian was also a bit befuddled, "if this is your dream, how would it have those things that only I knew about?"

Lin Size seriously looked at her.

"Therefore, it's very possible that you're in my dream." Gu Hongjian smiled for a bit, "in the past, I heard people say, after dying, you can enter others' dreams, but maybe I'm not the same, I've brought you into my own dream."

Lin Size still didn't say anything, only watching her.

Gu Hongjian almost couldn't maintain her smile anymore, saying, "Lin Size, actually after I died, don't know why, but my soul has never scattered, more so I've been following at your side...... I've witnessed everything. That letter was written by me. That cloak was also draped by me for you, only other than those two times, I can't touch anything, and you also can't see me, nor hear me speak......"

"Really...... you've always been by my side." Lin Size actually smiled lightly.

Gu Hongjian's eyes accumulated a bit of moisture, she took a deep breath, saying, "Wouldn't have thought Zuo Ning Yan didn't die. That's really too good."

Lin Size said, "To me, she had died a long time ago. In fact, it turns out I had gotten it wrong, it is......"

"Enough, I know it all, no need to say it." Gu Hongjian said, "I said it's too good, is saying...... actually, in the future, I don't mind you being with her."

Lin Size said, "That's impossible. Gu Hongjian, I came to find you...... Gu Hongjian!"

Gu Hongjian said, "But I'm already dead, ah, Lin Size."

Lin Size said, "I don't care...... maybe you're not yet dead? Don't some people just have the situation where only their souls have left their bodies?"

Gu Hongjian shook her head, "Why bother lying to yourself...... Lin Size, I already died, why don't you just promise me, live well in the future. Live the life you are supposed to live."

Lin Size said, "Gu Hongjian!"

"I don't blame you, really. Do you still remember, when we were still very small, you asked me if I hated the parents that discarded me. I said I didn't hate them, because they were only making a choice between me and my younger brother, only ultimately choosing the one that was more important to them in the end. To you, at the time you were also only picking what was more important to you. I don't blame my parents, and I don't blame you at all." Gu Hongjian said, softly.

Lin Size only continued to shake his head, "No, Gu Hongjian, don't talk about these things......"

Gu Hongjian said, "My whole life, indeed, wasn't much...... being hated by people, being shamed for others, did a lot of bad things, but after I died, had a lot of time to think about the past, but discovered that actually I wasn't actually unwilling."

"This whole life, I have been working hard for the person I placed importance on, worked hard for the things I wanted to attain, and at the end, even though I never got it, I was still carrying happiness. Other than the single character of, 'Love', which I, Gu Hongjian, hadn't attained, I have also gone back many times to think it over, my love towards you, was it too selfish, and I have also pondered it many times, whether or not you have ever loved me even a little bit, but until now, I finally found out, actually, nobody can attain the single character of 'Romance.' Because it is exactly because you don't understand it that makes it 'Romance.'" Gu Hongjian lightly stated, her tears silently dropping, "I didn't understand it, but also didn't regret it. Lin Size, hope in the future, after you die, you can also be like so."

Lin Size reached out his hand to hold her face, saying, "Gu Hongjian...... if you have really died, then I will go and accompany you. This lifetime, I've mistaken and passed by too much, in the next life, let us be together, okay?"

Gu Hongjian rather was a bit impatiently smiling, "Next lifetime? Okay. If there really is a next lifetime, if we really have to be together again, then, next lifetime, let me be the male, and you the female. You have to, since your childhood, secretly admire me, worship me, wipe away any barrier that is in my way, but also have to blatantly watch me love another, yet marry yet another, both of which are not you. You need to love me until you are recklessly silly, love me until everyone knows about it, but no matter what, are unable to attain my whole heart nor whole intention; you need to be mistaken by me countless times, hurt, to shed for me an entire lifetime's supply of tears, and at the end, you have to die for me, and after you die, you can't attain peace, and have to become a restless ghost, drifting by my side...... that way, perhaps you wouldn't have wasted this lifetime of mine."

Lin Size stared for a while, but quickly opened his mouth to say yes, but Gu Hongjian didn't let him say anything, but herself, said, "I said this, not because I really want you to be this way, but I just wanted to tell you, if in the next lifetime, you really meet me, this will really be the type of scenario it would be, but I would still find it tiresome. Having this this way- a continuous cycle of karma, until when will it end? It would be better to have one matter count as one matter, the matters that should end, just let them end. Lin Size, please, no matter what, continue to live well, and don't die with me, let me leave on my own, okay?"

This was probably the nicest and yet the most hurtful wish.

Lin Size seriously looked for a while, finally still nodding his head, "Okay. I promise you."

Gu Hongjian, her heart filled with satisfaction, smiled, saying, "Just a moment ago, we had such a knot, but suddenly, I feel like this whole life of mine was really outrageous. But in the past, I had seen a single phrase, saying liking a person will cause one to do many outrageous things for that person. Then my outrageous life, has ultimately still demonstrated my heart."

"Some words, I have never said, and if I don't say it now, there probably won't be another opportunity. Lin Size, I love you. I've loved you for a very long, very long time, but, ultimately, it has to end."

Lin Size didn't say anything, reaching his hands out to hug her tightly, and Gu Hongjian, carrying her tears, also reached her hands out to reciprocate this final embrace.

But before the two could really embrace each other, Gu Hongjian's body began gradually disappearing.

"I also love you. And, it's the type of adoration you like-- have always loved you, only loved you." Lin Size lightly said.

There was no response.

And in his embrace was only emptiness.

Lin Size gradually opened his eyes, but looking around, he only saw the darkness. Gu Hongjian had long ceased to exist.