Unrepentant 23

And from the outside, arrived the noise of someone's arrival; perhaps Lin Size thought it was one of his officials that had arrived, his face quickly paled, but as he raised his head, he saw that the one who had arrived was actually He Fang Ning.

Lin Size's facial expression fell, saying, "What have you come for?"

He Fang Ning said, "Emperor, this consort... has something to say."

Lin Size took a look at her, saying, "Jiang Haifu is really big mouthed."

He Fang Ning said, "That's because he cares about you, and also because he hasn't lost his rationality yet."

"If it's about the matter of Hu prefecture, there's no need to dissuade me. I've already made up my mind." Lin Size responded.

He Fang Ning said, "Emperor, I know that you must be very sorrowful right now, but please, no matter what, calm down for a moment. Not even mentioning that right now, you're needed for dealing with the matters of the imperial court, as these things I do not understand, nor do I want to nose in on, but just on the matter of your health, you really can't handle it!"

Lin Size answered, "I know how to handle myself."

He Fang Ning said, "You're going, no matter what?"

Lin Size answered with his deep, silent pondering.

"You say that you can handle it...... but, if you really could handle it, you originally wouldn't let Assistant Gu go to Hu prefecture in the first place!" He Fang Ning suddenly answered, her voice changing.

Lin Size was stunned, and looked at He Fang Ning, with an incredulous look.

Gu Hongjian was also extremely surprised, looking at He Fang Ning, feeling that now that her voice had suddenly become stern, when compared to the usual He Fang Ning, who was normally such a soft and weak little white rabbit, it seemed like they were two different people, actually seeming somewhat like the He Fang Ning she had met during the wedding.

And this type of He Fang Ning, was actually a bit more pleasing to her eyes......

He Fang Ning stated, "Assistant Gu knows martial arts, and this consort also knows some. But, at the end, Assistant Gu is still a woman, and emperor, you sending her there, did you never consider that she would be in danger, and did you not know that she might die?!"

Gu Hongjian: ...Wha?! She actually had the nerve to say this?! And she's got the nerve to push Lin Size around?!

He Fang Ning didn't wait for Lin Size to respond before continuing, "This is being unfair to Assistant Gu, in reality, it's also being unfair towards the people. Even though Assistant Gu knows martial arts, but she doesn't have actual combat experience in warfare; and although Assistant General Wang is present, but at the end, it's still not a wise decision. Additionally, the way Assistant Gu does things, you're also very clear of, for achieving her goal, she can do anything recklessly...... no matter what, you're permitting of her going to Hu prefecture, it really has a thousand reasons why it's wrong. And at the time, I also didn't know anything, and couldn't say anything-- of course, I also can't deny, that even if I could have said something, I wouldn't have dissuaded you, because on certain aspects, Assistant Gu is my enemy...... and emperor, you let Assistant Gu do things that her enemies would think are beneficial to them...... heh."

Gu Hongjian's eyes and tongue were numbed by the shocking statement.

And Lin Size was angered, thumping the desk with his hand, saying, "I've given her opportunities to leave! My sending her to Hu prefecture was only to let her know that she was dealing with more than she could handle, and to have self-consciousness to leave on her own terms!"

"Emperor, even I could see how bad your relationship had gotten at that time; if Assistant Gu really left the capital, perhaps it would be very difficult to find her again? In such a situation, if it were me, I also wouldn't leave." He Fang Ning changed her voice to say.

Lin Size took a deep breath, ultimately not being angered, but rather nodded his head, "What you've said isn't false."

He Fang Ning's eyes revealed a small glimmer of happiness.

"But Hu prefecture, I still want to go to." Lin Size softly said.

Gu Hongjian: "......"

He Fang Ning revealed a bitter expression, "Emperor...... this consort really doesn't understand, since you value Assistant Gu this much, now that she has died, you even want to go to Hu prefecture for her corpse, then when she was alive, why didn't you properly treasure her?"

Every word was aimed at the heart.

Lin Size's face was still conciliatory, answering, "Enough!"

"You obviously love Assistant Gu very much. Last time this consort asked you, but you responded by questioning when you had ever said you loved her...... Yes, you've never said it, but this consort has witnessed it all with her eyes! Not to deceive you, but when I had just entered the palace, this consort was arrogant and self-centered, believing that I had personally replaced Assistant Gu's place, but on the day of the wedding, this consort realized she was wrong...... The night for the wedding consummation, you actually didn't touch me at all......"

He Fang Ning had ultimately still recalled something sad, shutting her eyes, drops of tears descended.

Gu Hongjian was actually shocked beyond belief-- what, on Lin Size's wedding night, he actually didn't even touch He Fang Ning?!

Damnit she had stood on the roof tiles, bearing the brunt of the frigid wind until the deep recesses of the night, wanting to look at and thinking of what was happening in the palace!

Really......

"This consort originally thought that it was only because your mood wasn't good that day. Who knew that after this long, even til today, you haven't touched this consort." He Fang Ning had a pity smile, "people also say that Assistant Gu lost favor because of me, that the emperor favors me every night...... but who knows, the everyday when the emperor enters my pavilion, he only takes his outer robe off and goes straight to sleep...... even when I discard my dignity, using my soft and supple words, the emperor isn't moved by it...... ha, everyone says that assistant Gu is unfortunate, but who knows that this consort is the most pitiful one?"

Gu Hongjian: "......"

In the past, everyday at night, when she heard that Lin Size was once against staying the night at He Fang Ning's place, she had to secret cough three mouthfuls of blood, holding her chest, having trouble falling asleep, but it turns out they were just innocently sleeping?! Even last time, on the first night when she had just turned into a restless ghost and came back looking for Lin Size, when she had heard He Fang Ning's "soft and seductive words", and the noise of clothing rubbing, and she had sorrowfully run away, it had turned out after she had drifted away, there wasn't any physical activity afterwards?!

Gu Hongjian didn't even know how she should describe her feeling right now.

Why was this?

Unless, that time, when she and Lin Size had gotten in a fight, because Lin Size had gotten too angry, so some body parts...... couldn't get up anymore?

No, no matter how you think about it, it's not possible......

Unless......

Gu Hongjian's heart moved, and she drifted between the two of them, and took a detailed look at Lin Size's expression.

Indeed, the expression on his face at this time, didn't have a trace of a lack of confidence nor guilt, only indifference.

He Fang Ning said, "Emperor, even up til now, you don't plan on explaining why this is? Unless back then when you were with Assistant Gu, every time, you also only fell asleep with her?"

Lin Size answered, "Naturally not."

He had actually answered......

Gu Hongjian, mildly embarrassedly floated a little bit away.

"Since your highness doesn't want to say it, then how about this consort say it for you." He Fang Ning smiled beautifully, "it's because of Zuo Ning Yan, right?"

Gu Hongjian was now really scared.

How would He Fang Ning know about Zuo Ning Yan?! Even if she knew about her, he could she have the nerves to speak of it?!

Indeed, Lin Size's expression turned a bit cruel towards her, "Who told you?!"

He Fang Ning said, "Assistant Gu."

Gu Hongjian: "......"

Oh heavens, she's already dead, and yet, He Fang Ning is unwilling to let her off, bullying her because she's dead, and irresponsibly throwing her under the bus, huh?!

"How would she tell you this?" Lin Size obviously didn't believe it.

He Fang Ning answered, "Assistant Gu didn't say too much, she only said one phrase...... The day when this consort was entering the palace, assistant Gu was the one who escorted me, have you forgotten? She originally told me, the emperor, you, would never really love anyone, for what, she didn't say; but I guessed, she would say that, probably because your highness already had someone else, and that person wasn't me, and it also wasn't assistant Gu...... And afterwards, assistant Gu unintentionally saw my face, was momentarily stunned, and suddenly changed her mind, saying that your highness would definitely love me...... the only possibility, was that I and Zuo Ning Yan looked very similar."

"You guessed this all by yourself?" Lin Size stated, "but how would you know of Zuo Ning Yan?! And how did you learn what she looked like?"

"The year your highness ascended the throne, Zuo Ning Yan, as the eldest daughter of the Zuo family, for her sickly younger brother, agreed to marry Yao Tian Ao, but she ultimately couldn't handle it, and on the date of her wedding, committed suicide. That way, her brother could get his medication, and she wouldn't need to marry Yao Tian Ao. It's very intelligent, but also very dumb." He Fang Ning lightly said, "But she also didn't have any other choice."

Lin Size, as if hearing some hidden meaning, said, "Who are you, really?"

He Fang Ning's eyes sparkled as she looked at Lin Size, saying, "Your highness, that year, I was fourteen, and was pulled into Bai Fu pavilion by the princess, and amidst my shock, I met you. That day, the moonlight was really good, you were also really good, smiling at me warmly, but never expressed anything. I've never known, that you admired me. Until I used the identity of He Fang Ning to live in a village neighboring the capital for a few years, and was missing my father a lot; ignoring his persuasion, I entered the capital, but upon meeting you, you brought me into the palace, letting me know that I looked just like the woman you used to love......"

Lin Size couldn't believe himself as he looked at her, as if his whole person had been frozen solid.

He Fang Ning's expression actually turned even softer, "This consort unintentionally saw one of your paintings, that was of me from that year...... This caused me to feel fortunate, that it turned out you had really admired me from that time. And I, filled with joy, because after meeting you, this consort also fell in love with you. In this world, there's nothing more fortunate that the one you love also loving you. Emperor, how could there possibly be two people that look so similar? I am Zuo Ning Yan, and Zuo Ning Yan is He Fang Ning."

"...... How could this be?" Lin Size softly said, "didn't you die?"

He Fang Nong...... no, Zuo Ning Yan, shook her head, "At the time, the faking of my death, only my father and I knew of this; even my little brother, Zuo Ning Hao didn't know of it. I used the identity of He Fang Ning to live in a village close to the capital, only because Yao Tian Ao was never captured by the law, so my father was too afraid to let me return to the capital. But this year, during Qing Ming holiday, I still returned...... a little previously, Yao Tian Ao had been captured, which Ning Hao informed my father, and my father had people secretly tell me, thus I learned of it. Turns out that thing had assistant Gu's manipulation in it. But I didn't actually hate her, after all this consort can be counted as being ultimately fortunate......"

Zuo Ning Yan's expression was even more affectionate, softly speaking, but Lin Size, other than when he was shocked at the begging, had slowly recovered his calmness, even becoming colder over time, until Zuo ning Yan had finished, he once again asked, "Weren't you dead?"

Zuo Ning Yan stared blankly, saying, "Emperor......?"

Lin Size said, "Zuo Ning Yan already died."

Zuo Ning Yan's eyes widened, looking at Lin Size, a little incredulously.

"Zuo Ning Yan died many years ago, for her death, Gu Hongjian and I had gotten in fights two major times, the last of which, it had caused her to pay up her......" Speaking till here, Lin Size stopped before being able to continue speaking, "paid up her life."

Zuo Ning Yan suddenly understood Lin Size's meaning, and a bit unbelievably said, "Emperor?! You can't say it like this......"

Lin Size said, "You are He Fang Ning, and can only be He Fang Ning. Zuo Ning Yan has already died for a long time, and has no possibility of resurrecting. Didn't you ask why I wanted to marry you, but never touched you? Then I'll tell you. I only believe that you and Zuo Ning Yan look really alike, so having you by my side to look at, is a good way to keep remembrance of her. Zuo Ning Yan and I, are only a dream from many years ago. How could I possibly do anything to a dream?"

"Then why did you still send Assistant Gu to Hu prefecture for me?! If it's only a dream, why would you, for a dream, destroy your present reality!?" Zuo Ning Yan inquired painfully.

Lin Size answered, "I am only angry that she would continue to hide things from me! But what you have said isn't wrong, everything was singlehandedly destroyed by me. Even if now, it's impossible to fix, I must fix it."

Zuo Ning Yan shook her head, "Emperor, you can't be like this...... do you know how long I have imagined how I would tell you that I was Zuo Ning Yan, this scene?! It shouldn't be this way...... it shouldn't be this way......"

Zuo Ning Yan's tears couldn't be stopped, she wept on one hand, while on the other hand, she rested against the wall, as though she would pass out at any moment, but her expression towards Lin Size was still carrying a trace of hope.

But, Lin Size had already turned his head, no longer looking at her, a while later, Lin Size finally said, "In a bit, Zuo Ning Hao will arrive. You brother and sister can acknowledge each other, and then you can leave with him; afterwards, how things will be, you can decide for yourself."

Zuo Ning Yan said, "You're going to force me out?! You want to force me out......?"

Lin Size didn't bother acknowledging her.

"Good, good, good......" Zuo Ning Yan wept secretly, then wiped her tears, flushed her nose, saying, "emperor, this consort wants to ask you one more question."

Lin Size didn't say anything, it was probably a silent affirmation.

Zuo Ning Yan said, "Originally, you really did like me, right? I want to know why. Unless it was because of that one night at Bai Fu pavilion? Or was it a bit earlier, during that year in Ying Chun garden? Actually I don't know, the times we had met were really too few......"

"No." Lin Size cut her off, "it was earlier. The winter solstice of the third year of Wan Shun, by the side of Tai Ye pond."

Gu Hongjian who had been watching the two silently, opened her eyes wide.

But Zuo Ning Yan only confusedly, "The third year of Wan Shun? That year I was only six...... you were also only seven......"

Lin Size actually didn't find it out of the ordinary, "You probably don't remember it now. That year, I was seven, and had been pushed into the pond by my so-called older brothers; when I had crawled out of the pond, I quickly passed out, but shortly later, regained consciousness; by my side there was a box of food, inside it there was a bowl of warm soup. The markings on the box belonged to Zuo estate, I inquired around, and learned that that year, Zuo Ning Yan came out to Dong Zhi garden to play, and her servant by the side had brought soup. The grace of one bowl of soup, to Zuo Ning Yan, although it's probably just the wave of a hand, but to me, it was a life-saving grace."

 Zuo Ning Yan was absolutely stunned, thinking back some time, and then suddenly smiling, saying, "Turns out it's this way...... I have some impression. But emperor, that year, after I entered the palace, before I had gotten to Tai Ye pond, I had already thrown that small wooden box over to a little palatial servant girl. I don't remember what she looked like, only remembered...... she seemed to be about as big as I was, and wore the uniform of the laundry department...... that soup, I wasn't going to drink, so I got rid of it by giving it to her, as for why it would get to you, I really don't know."

Speaking thus, she wept another trail of tears, but her face still carried a smile, "Turns out that even that former admiration was also a mistaken situation...... Ha ha ha ha why is life so ridiculous, don't you say so, emperor?"

But Zuo Ning Yan discovered that Lin Size had stopped speaking, his face now carrying an expression of shock, even more shocked than when he had learned that she was Zuo Ning Yan.

"Emperor?"

"That time, I wasn't favored much, even my clothes, I carried myself to be cleaned by the laundry department, so ever servant girl of the laundry department, I still have an impression of." Lin Size suddenly spoke, his voice quivering a bit, "that year, the laundry department only had one servant girl who was that small."

Zuo Ning Yan suddenly understood, but still asked, "Who was it?"

"Gu Hongjian."

Lin Size used a deep and slow breath to spit out these three words.

Zuo Ning Yan said, "Really...... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, emperor, the heavens are toying with men, the heavens are toying with men!!!"

Lin Size didn't have any response.

Zuo Ning Yan said, "Who would have thought...... only a bowl of strong soup, would actually cause us three to get tangled up for so many years...... turns out this consort, from the beginning, was always the third party, but because of this big mistake, was pulled in...... ha ha ha ha ha, emperor, you're so stupid, even if that soup was given to you by this consort, a bowl of soup only, how could it have counted for more than assistant Gu's companionship for twenty years? Morever, that soup was actually given by assistant Gu to you...... emperor, this consort still hated you a moment ago, but now thinks that, you are really a pitiful person...... ha."

Saying thus, Zuo Ning Yan turned and left the door, saying, "Ning Hao is almost here, right? I'll go out to wait for him, you can stay indoors by yourself...... we'll probably never meet again after today, emperor. I wish you luck for finding another person that looks just like assistant Gu, to accompany you for the rest of your life. After all, isn't that what you are best at? Ha ha ha ha ha!"

She seemed like she had gone crazy, crying sometimes, laughing sometimes, saying reckless words, but Lin Size wasn't angered a bit, or more like, he entirely didn't continue listening to what Zuo Ning Yan was saying.

He only sat there, looking in front of him, but his eyes were dim, as if he wasn't seeing anything.

Gu Hongjian had been here the whole time, had been watching Lin Size and Zuo Ning Yan's exchange. Her mood was just like Zuo Ning Yan's, like a small boat drifting in the great oceans, being knocked over by the waves, then lifted by the winds, then subsequently plummeting, before finally collapsing.

But ultimately, her mood calmed down entirely.

Lin Size ultimately couldn't control himself, resting himself against the back of his seat, his lips quivering.

"Why didn't you ever say...... Gu Hongjian, why didn't you ever say......"

Lin Size painfully wept, his eyebrows knotted, his eyes shut tight.

But it's still very good looking, it's still the look Gu Hongjian likes.

She looked at Lin Size, who was painfully sitting there, and reached her arms out to wrap around him.

But he couldn't feel her tight hug, and she couldn't feel his temperature.

"Because I thought that you wouldn't be happy to hear someone mention this thing. You like face so much...... missy Lin." She imagined she was speaking to Lin Size as in the past, her voice almost carrying the sound of laughter, "because we're both idiots, ah. Missy Lin."

Gu Hongjian thought, would tortoises also get this sad?

Her heart, was still being led around by Lin Size, just like her soul.

It turns out, their misunderstanding, had existed from the beginning.

Turns out, the winter solstice from twenty years ago, from the moment they had met each other, they had already missed the timing in their life for each other.