Unrepentant 22

Gu Hongjian suddenly thought of the big day of Lin Size's wedding.

The big day of Lin Size's wedding, from Ping Sheng Palace to Cheng Xi Palace, from the outer walls to the inner walls, the floors were covered with red rugs, the normally cold and austere palace was permeated with an auspicious air.

As the only female official within court, the responsibility of escorting He Fang Ning from Ping Sheng Palace to Cheng Xi Palace could only fall to Gu Hongjian; He Fang Ning sat within the palanquin, while Gu Hongjian rode a horse besides her. The horse even had a big red flower decorating its head. For a moment she even had a hallucination that she was the one marrying a wife.

Everyone in the world, including Gu Hongjian, all believed that Lin Size's harem would never have any woman in it.

However, he actually suddenly wanted to appoint a consort, even more so, it was just a small farmer girl from a village close to the capital, an ordinary daughter of a farmer, which left many people befuddled.

Naturally, Gu Hongjian was the one who could understand it the least.

They had just finished fighting, and Gu Hongjian was originally just waiting, waiting for time to calm everything down, to let the two slowly reconcile.

But Lin Size just suddenly announced that he was going to appoint a consort.

Gu Hongjian felt that this was Lin Size seeking to anger her, but slowly, after seeing the palace gradually being painted the auspicious red color, she finally realized that Lin Size was being serious.

And she didn't have any way of stopping it.

Gu Hongjian had never seen He Fang Ning, and only knew that her countenance was fair, the emperor had pity towards her, and that he intended to be with her through life and never give up on her, and she hadn't even received favor from him, and yet he even just assigned her the "Ning" regal name. Such an overflowing granting of grace, it was perhaps the first time since the start of his reign.

To never give up on her......

It was too funny, but Gu Hongjian couldn't make herself laugh.

This "Ning" character, and the "Ning" surname, how much of a relationship did it really have, she really wouldn't dare ponder.

"Official Gu, after entering Cheng Xi palace, she'll need to leave the palanquin, and you'll need to dismount your horse. We'll bother you with helping Consort Ning down."

Gu Hongjian hadn't quite recovered from her thoughts, as Eunuch Jiang, who stood at the side suddenly spoke. Gu Hongjian raised her head, and noticed that they had already arrived before the palace gate. After entering this set of doors, Lin Size would be inside, the hundreds of military and civil officials would be inside, and Consort Ning would also be inside.

Only she, only she shouldn't enter this set of doors.

Gu Hongjian dismounted, speaking to He Fang Ning across the palanquin beads, "Consort Ning, please exit the palanquin."

There wasn't much of a response from within, a while later, a soft hand reached out, the skin snowy white, with soft and smooth nails. Gu Hongjian stared for a bit before reaching out her hand to catch her.

Because Gu Hongjian's hands had wielded a blade for so long, so there were scars all over her hand, and because she had wielded a brush for so long, her hands were also covered with calluses, the two sets of hands, when compared side by side, were a world apart.

He Fang Ning was helped by her out of the palanquin, neither hurriedly nor slowly, they stepped onto the red rugs. Gu Hongjian led her by the hand, carefully leading her forward. as they arrived before the door, Gu Hongjian stated, "Raise your foot, step into the household."¹

He Fang Ning stopped for a moment, then followed her instructions, and then quietly stated, "You actually reminded me... and I had thought you would hate me."

Gu Hongjian hadn't expected her to suddenly say such, and was momentarily stunned.

He Fang Ning's voice sounded very nice, it was silky smooth, elegant and pleasing, Gu Hongjian, seeing this just smiled, responding, "Hate you? There's no need."

"Official is indeed very confident." He Fang Ning also chuckled lightly, the sound extremely pleasant; it was audible to Gu Hongjian, but too soft for the others around them to hear.

Gu Hongjian had originally intended to stop this exchange here, but He Fang Ning actually continued, "The emperor's love towards me, I think perhaps official Gu has never seen before, otherwise, you wouldn't be like this and ignore my threat."

"Your highness thinking this way is also because you hadn't seen the past, and the pampering the emperor gave me." Gu Hongjian originally didn't want to compete with her, but now that she had mentioned these things, she couldn't control herself and muttered the two phrases.

This wasn't her bragging, but honestly speaking, other than "the past", there wasn't anything particularly bragging in the statement.

She just wanted to let He Fang Ning know, that the way Lin Size would treat those in front of him, was always very well.

It was good to the point that you would believe he would be good to you for a whole lifetime.

But no matter what, there's still the imprint of a beautiful moonlight on his heart.

She, Gu Hongjian, had tried to block that moonlight without fear of death, so Lin Size just pushed her aside without a second thought, now it's just a different person trying.

But He Fang Ning had mistaken what Gu Hongjian was telling her, and her voice turned a bit confrontational, "If the emperor loved you, why did he only let you participate in court, while letting the people criticize you?"

Gu Hongjian thought for a while, but didn't bother explaining that it was actually she who was unwilling to enter the harem back then, only pretending to be surprised, "Why would you think that I would be under the impression that the emperor loved me?"

Speaking thus, Gu Hongjian found it a bit humorous, saying, "If your highness doesn't mind, let me say one more thing-- the emperor also won't love you. So, while the emperor is nice to you now, you......"

This route was a bit narrow, and one didn't know how a sudden gust of wind blew by, and before Gu Hongjian had finished speaking, the red veil that was covering He Fang Ning's face, was lifted. She also seemed a bit surprised, only staring at Gu Hongjian.

The two pairs of eyes crossed, and for the first time, Gu Hongjian saw He Fang Ning's eyes, nose, mouth, face.

She suddenly couldn't stop herself, smiling, "Consort Ning, I take back everything I was about to say, the emperor loves you, and perhaps, I think he'll love you for a whole lifetime."

He Fang Ning was peerlessly surprised, but Gu Hongjian no longer explained, only sending her inside, Cheng Xi palace became extremely lively, the red walls with green roof tiles, the lantern lights never going out. Gu Hongjian's mood dimmed, but she had to endure everyone's gaze. Unable to bear this, Gu Hongjian decided to discard propriety, and leave by herself.

Nobody slowed her.

Gu Hongjian walked out listlessly, rubbing her heart, but before taking many steps, she was stopped by someone.

It was actually Zuo Ning Hao.

Zuo Ning Hao had just learned a few days ago that his older sister's death had her involvement, he had been languishing for many days, perhaps because since he now saw that Lin Size was getting married, and Gu Hongjian was feeling down, so he had recovered some of his mood.

Gu Hongjian, raising her face to see that it was him, felt even more emotionally exhausted, saying, "Official Zuo, what else do you want?"

Zuo Ning Hao said, "Firstly, I want to thank you."

Gu Hongjian raised her brow, "Oh?"

Zuo Ning Hao answered, "Thank you for telling me that my sister's death was partially for my sake. Otherwise, up till now, I would have been kept in the dark."

"Oh...... no need for thanks." Since Gu Hongjian was thick skinned any ways, it was simpler just to nod her head.

Perhaps Zuo Ning Hao felt that she was indeed way too shameless, so he repressed took a glance at her, and then said, "Actually I came to watch you turn into a joke. The emperor has gotten married, so you're probably feeling extremely terrible."

Gu Hongjian saw his ridicule, and knew that he came to incite her, but didn't expect him to be so direct.

Thus, Gu Hongjian directly muttered, "Infantile."

Zuo Ning Hao almost got angered to death, but still said, "Actually, I'm really disappointed in you. Originally, when I didn't know anything, I had thought that as a woman, being able to achieve this much with your abilities, was somewhat admirable. Who knew......"

Gu Hongjian said, "Oh~~ You used to admire me?"

Zuo Ning Hao's face turned red, "Pttt When you're listening to others, you only hear the things you like to hear, huh?!"

Gu Hongjian humorously answered, "Yes."

Afterwards, she didn't listen to what Zuo Ning Hao wanted to say next, only flippantly saying, "For indirectly causing your sister's death, I admit I have some responsibility, but not all responsibility. If Lin Size wants to blame me, I can't do anything about it. But if you want to blame me, I don't want to take that blame. After all, you blame me, but I'll blame you. Okay, if you have time to waste words with me, your time is better spent taking a look at Consort Ning. Seeing her, perhaps you'll have an opportunity to reminisce about your sister."

Saying thus, she ignored the terrible expression of Zuo Ning Hao, and left by herself.

She left quickly, but was rather listless. On her way, occasionally, there were servants passing back, and seeing that she hadn't stayed at Cheng Xi palace, but had rather walked out, were rather surprised, but all bowed appropriately before her. After walking for a long time, Gu Hongjian finally stopped, and jumped up on top of the roof, and from where she was standing, she could almost make out the light being emitted from Cheng Xi palace.

Gu Hongjian thought of the first time she met Lin Size, which was the winter solstice of that year. The little her was also this way, standing along in the cold wind by herself, looking distantly at the lively action taking place in the faraway Ying Chun garden, and Lin Size was just like her, was being bullied outside, and was perhaps even more pitiful than her.

From then until now, Lin Size had already entered the palace, had become the emperor in the center of the action, and she was still being excluded outside.

That was a few days after Qing Ming holiday, and although the weather slowly turned warming, but the nights were still cold. Gu Hongjian would wear a light garb, but her body was even colder.

She stood there watching for a long time, until the officials slowly left, til after the laterns were put out. Finally, Gu Hongjian felt a sourness in her eyes, so she raised her hands to rub her eyes, lifting her head to look at the stars in the sky and their pulsating light.

The starlight had indicated that it was no longer the same day, for whom does the wind toll?

***

Lin Size awoke in the middle of the night, when he awoke the first statement he made was, "Where is Gu Hongjian?"

He Fang Ning, who was sitting by the bedside found herself in an awkward situation, but she maintained a her face ful of sorrow, answering, "Emperor, assistant Gu, she......"

She didn't actually finish answering, but it was enough to fully bring Lin Size to his senses.

Lin Size stared for a moment before finally responding, "You're dismissed for now."

He Fang Ning suspiciously remarked, "Emperor..."

"Leave." Lin Size repeated expressionlessly.

He Fang Ning could only sigh, and leave with her servants. The whole Zhang Gan palace only had Lin Size inside, alone. He sat on the bed, not moving at all.

Gu Hongjian slowly floated over, taking a closer look at him.

She only saw that Lin Size was staring in front of him, his face expressionless, only after a while did he shut his eyes.

Gu Hongjian was shocked to see that there was a light trail of tears below his eyes.

Lin Size..... had cried?

This is the first time Gu Hongjian had seen Lin Size cry.

Even previously when Zuo Ning Yan had died, Lin Size hadn't cried...... of course, maybe he had cried, but she hadn't seen it.

But before Gu Hongjian had figured out what this meant, Lin Size had already opened his eyes, wiping his tears away, and summoned Jiang Haifu inside.

Jiang Haifu entered in as if walking on eggshells, really wanting to see Lin Size's expression right now, but he couldn't make anything of it. Lin Size said, "After I passed out, what did the messenger say?"

Jiang Haifu truly didn't want to say that Gu Hongjian's corpse was missing, but could only brace himself and spill the beans.

Naturally, Lin Size's chest seemed to heave some, he seemed to be exerting all his will to say, "Living, I want to see the person, dead, I want to see the corpse."

Speaking thus, he rose, wearing his attire, directly sitting down, lifting his brush to write letters. Gu Hongjian moved over to take a look, but saw that he was letting Assistant General Wang to stay in Hu Prefecture for now, the work hard on finding Gu Hongjian, and he wanted to take a personal trip to Hu prefecture.

He wanted to go to Hu prefecture?!

Gu Hongjian's eyes widened, watching as Lin Size passed the letter to Jiang Haifu, letting him send someone to quickly deliver it to Hu prefecture.

Jiang Haifu had probably guessed some of its contents, worriedly saying, "Emperor......"

Lin Size calmly said, "Quickly go."

Thus Jiang Haifu was afraid to say more, only taking the letter out of, and finding someone to send it off, and Lin Size sat there thinking for a while, before motioning for servants, before standing up. Jiang Haifu quickly entered, "Emperor, where do you want to go now?"

Lin Size replied, "The study."

Jiang Haifu objected, "But emperor, your body still hasn't recovered......"

Lin Size responded, "It won't get in the way.... Hah."

Jiang Haifu was worried till sweat covered his brow, but luckily the moment the two had exited the palace, they saw He Fang Ning, she had actually never left. Seeing Lin Size come out, she tested the waters, saying, "Emperor......? How come you rose from bed? Your expression is still looking bad......"

Lin Size said, "I'm fine."

However, recently the temperature had been dropping, and coincidentally a cold breeze blew by, sending Lin Size's body shaking, his face paling a notch.

He Fang Ning continued worriedly, "Emperor, no matter what, it's better to deal with it after your body gets better!"

Lin Size impatiently said, "I said I'm fine. Hah....."

Jiang Haifu hurriedly had Xiao Minzi help steady Lin Size, not immediately following himself, but rather standing by the side. Luckily perhaps because Lin Size's mood was a bit impatient and messy, so he didn't notice this little detail.

After Lin Size left, Jiang Haifu paid respects to He Fang Ning, saying, "Consort Ning, your highness, you've got to try convincing the emperor!"

He Fang Ning replied, "Didn't you see, the emperor just ignored me...... I also want to convince him, but I don't know how to start."

Jiang Haifu said, "Not this! The emperor... the emperor, he wants to go to Hu prefecture....."

He Fang Ning took a deep breath, her eyes growing wide, "What?! Hu Prefecture?! What's the emperor doing going to Hu prefecture?!"

Jiang Haifu could only respond, "Assistant Gu's corpse is missing, and the emperor said, if she's alive he wants to see her, if she's dead, he wants to see the corpse....."

He Fang Ning said, "Then have people search! What use is there for him to go himself......"

Jiang Haifu could only bitterly say, "How could this servant convince the emperor...... that's why this one came to look for consort."

He Fang Ning suspiciously said, "How could I dissuade him......"

"But other than you, there's really no one left......" Jiang Haifu could only bitterly remark, "at the very least you're the only consort within the palace, and the emperor dotes on you. Perhaps you can still convince him."

A bitter expression spread across He Fang Ning's face, "Heh...... you all know nothing."

"......Ah?" Jiang Hai Fu had a face ful of confusion.

Heh Fang Ning sighed before saying, "Whatever. Nothing. I know, I'll go and see the emperor in a moment.... go to the study first and stand at the ready first."

Jiang Haifu acknowledged, and rushed to leave.

And He Fang Ning stood outside, looking in the direction that Lin Size had left, her legs a bit soft, sitting by a stone bench, propping her head up with her hand, shutting her eyes momentarily.

Gu Hongjian looked pitifully at He Fang Ning, and wasn't a bit happy.

She originally thought, seeing Lin Size's tears upon hearing of her death, if he was even a little sad, she would be very happy.

She originally thought, that seeing Lin Size's sadness snowballing and causing He Fang Ning to be even more sad, would make her very gleeful.

But it all exceeded her expectations, Lin Size's response was so large it made her think it wasn't real; he passed out for her, cried for her, and for her, he even wanted to go to Hu prefecture.

And opposite of this, perhaps He Fang Ning would be even more pained.

But this had perhaps exceeded the bounds of what Gu Hongjian could accept.

She hated Lin Size, from the thirty eighth year of Wan Shun, that first night, when she learned that Lin Size liked Zuo Ning Yan, she had hated Lin Size, this had been the case for a full ten years.

But, after all, she had loved Lin Size for twenty years.

Love and hate couldn't be tallied on a balance sheet, when the two came together, they would only become pungently stronger.

That's why, if Lin Size was sad over her death, she would be happy, after all, this could prove that she still mattered a lot to Lin Size...... Although this thought process was very irrational, but since she had already turned into a ghost, if she didn't prove it, it would be unacceptable.

But, the response Lin Size had now, actually made Gu Hongjian very unhappy.

Rationally speaking, she shouldn't have been that important, who's he crying for others to see, who is his face full of despair for others to witness, ignoring his ailing health and being determined to go to Hu prefecture... for who is he putting on a show.

This guy, he couldn't possibly know that she's been standing here watching the whole thing, right?

Her making him sad, he could actually turn it around to continue making her sad.

Previously, Gu Hongjian could still happily fantasize how she wouldn't let Lin Size off even after becoming a ghost.

And then what happened, even after turning into a ghost, she couldn't escape Lin Size.

And the way He Fang Ning was looking at Lin Size, reminded Gu Hong Jian even more of herself in the past.

Only knowing how to innocently look at Lin Size, having him fill her vision and her mind, and because of this, to forget about her own self.

She wanted to see what Lin Size was going to the study to do, and followed them there, only to find that Lin Size was going to finish looking through the memorandums that he hadn't finished today, also having summoned a few competent officials, he was probably planning on assigning them responsibilities for his planned trip to Hu prefecture.

Gu Hongjian saw that under the bamboo light, Lin Size's expression seemed to be even paler than before, and began fretting, and seeing that while he was waiting for the officials to arrive, he kept bowing to cough, her heart felt even more pained.

No matter who comes, it'll be good as long as in a moment they stop this guy.

Let him calm down.

Please don't, please don't go to Hu prefecture.

From when he was little, his health has never been good; now that he is sick, rushing over to Hu prefecture, that type of freezing place that also is suffering from cholera, no matter what, it would cost half his life; and if his luck wasn't good, he'd probably pass there.

But Lin Size was actually in the study rummaging about, turning over containers and knocking over shelves. Seeing this, Gu Hongjian was wondering what is he looking for, but then, she saw him suddenly stop his movements, and turn his face towards the fire pit in the corner.

Inside the tray, the ashes were of the painting he had burned that day.

Gu Hongjian understood.

Lin Size had probably also remembered it, taking his steps towards the pit, bending over to search the ashes, but he burned it too thoroughly-- nothing was left.

He had only ever painted one painting for Gu Hongjian, but that painting, was personally burned by him.

How ironic.

Lin Size's legs collapsed, and he shut his eyes, returning to his chair, not moving at all.

TN: 1. Technically, she's telling He Fang Ning to step over the pedestal at the gate, which historically in Chinese society was raised. It demarcated the separation between a household from the world. So it's a symbolic gesture of actually entering Lin Size's family.