Unrepentant 26- Epilogue

This cloak made Lin Size exhausted, and it also made Jiang Haifu startled till he choked.

From Jiang Haifu's perspective, Lin Size was just recollecting so hard he had developed some mental issue, and had developed a severe hallucination.

And because of this, Lin Size stubbornly pushed the departure date for Hu prefecture even earlier, wanting to leave once dawn arrived.

The night slowly deepened, and Lin Size sat within Zhang Gan hall, his hand still gripping that cloak, his eyes looking ahead, a bit listlessly.

Gu Hongjian sat beside him, calmly looking at him.

"Hong jian" Lin Size suddenly said, lightly.

Gu Hongjian was startled, jumping, and then responding, "Hmm?"

Of course Lin Size wouldn't be able to hear, he was only mumbling to himself, "Gu Hongjian, are you here?"

"Mmm." Gu Hongjian softly nodded.

Lin Size said, "Probably should be...... this cloak was indeed something you draped over me, right?"

"That's right, I've already said it many times." Gu Hongjian was a bit impatient.

Lin Size said, "If you're by my side, why don't you appear? Why did you only write that one phrase to leave me...... Hongjian, do you hate me very much?"

"Hate you. Ah. I also want to appear, ah. In the middle of the night, when there's nothing to do, scaring you is also good, unfortunately, I can't do it. Ah......" Gu Hongjian helplessly sighed.

Lin Size said, "But since you hate me, why did you still cover me with this? Gu Hongjian....... hah."

"I just coincidentally draped it around you. How was I supposed to know that I could suddenly touch something!" Gu Hongjian could only say with dissatisfaction.

Lin Size said, "This might very well be my last night in the capital."

"Mmm?"

"Hah...... I know that right now I'm not fit for going to Hu prefecture, that I'm probably going to lose my life there if I go. But you're there, so I must go." Lin Size said softly, "If you're still alive, I'll bring you back; if you want to be a big official, you can continue being your unrivaled Assistant Gu, even Chancellor Gu. But if you're tired, and only want to be a little woman, then enter the harem and be my empress, and if you find even this bothersome, then...... I also won't be the emperor anymore, and will accompany you to be a normal person, okay?"

Gu Hongjian lightly said, "Okay."

Lin Size continued talking to himself, his voice extremely quiet and soft, "If you've really died, then...... I'll accompany you. Okay?"

In this moment, Gu Hongjian's speculation received its confirmation, Lin Size had already started thinking that way.

Just like the red waters (from silt) would follow the river to its end, a feeling of massive sarsens crushing Gu Hongjian's heart, she lightly shook her head, saying, "No way, no way at all."

But Lin Size couldn't hear it, so he only laughed by himself, "Right now, you're definitely nodding."

Gu Hongjian could only continuously shake her head.

But, this was the first time in the past few days that Lin Size revealed a smile.

However, it was exactly because he had a plan, no matter life or death, he wanted to accompany Gu Hongjian.

It was because of this ridiculous decision, that gave him a little joy, he was probably so very satisfied with this plan.

How could he be so... stupid. Ah.

Gu Hongjian actually could only calmly sit by his side, unable to do anything, unable to persuade or respond, looking tiredly, while the satisfied Lin Size, hugged that cloak, slowly drifting off to sleep.

This type of Lin Size was entirely foreign to Gu Hongjian.

Vulnerable and at the same time, ignorant, but, his whole mind was filled with her.

Gu Hongjian thought, nobody exists that, without anyone else wouldn't be able to continue living, without her, Lin Size obviously could continue living very well.

Although she couldn't but admit, if right now the two had their identities switched, she would also make the same decision.

But Lin Size shouldn't be like this, the love between them, from the beginning had not been balanced.

But rather suddenly, this love had become balanced.

After the separation of life and death.

***

After Lin Size rose at the hour of Zheng, Jiang Haifu naturally followed along, privately Xiang Jun had also made a ruckus over wanting to follow along, but Jiang Haifu had here stay by on one hand by the side, and thus Xiang Jun could only continue to stay within the palace, sweeping floors over there.

And because the situation was peculiar, and the timing was tight, Lin Size didn't bring many people, rushing along recklessly with no care for his life. He didn't sit within a carriage, but rather rode a horse, to guarantee the faster speed. On the trip, the time he spent resting was really little, even as a ghost who only had to float along to follow him, just watching him, Gu Hongjian would feel tired.

The most important thing, because Lin Size was riding a horse, it was even more impossible for the others to ride in carriages, and from the beginning, Lin Size had a cold, and must have brought an imperial doctor, so having to find amongst all the imperial doctors two who had impeccable medical practice and could also ride horses, also spent a lot of effort...... Jiang Haifu being able to follow along, was also because Jiang Haifu had previously under Lin Size's permission, learned to ride a horse.

Just like that, they continued to make haste the whole trip, with the passage of time, Lin Size experienced a lifestyle absolutely different from the one in the capital, entirely living a lifestyle as if he was on the run from the law, his accomodations were also not good, but nobody dared to say anything.

After all, the emperor with his reckless lack of self-care, the others could only obediently follow along; rather Gu Hongjian, upon seeing the companions get trolled by Lin Size thus, her heart would find it very humorous. Lin Size, this guy, he doesn't even bother thinking even a little bit about those that are following him, how many of them would even be able to handle it, ah......

From the capital to Hu prefecture, rushing so recklessly, it only took a little over half a month to arrive, and the closer they got to Hu prefecture, the more frigid it got, but Lin Size rather managed to, bit by bit, recover.

Gu Hongjian, at the same time she finally managed to relax, also discovered something wrong with herself.

At the beginning, it was still okay, but the closer she got to Hu prefecture, she found herself growing more listless; sometimes, when she was following Lin Size, it took half the day to recover her senses, only to discover that she had been floating in the same spot for who knows how long, as if she would just lose a large segment of her memory out of nowhere.

And she had continuously felt tired, extremely tired.

She doesn't need to sleep, and also can't fall asleep, but that type of tiredness, wasn't due to the lack of sleep, but was a sensation of exhaustion that came out of who knows where.

Little by little, she could no longer gather her attention, occasionally wanting to recollect her memories with Lin Size, had also become difficult.

One time, she was being pulled forward by Lin Size like a kite, looking at the nest atop his head, she unknowingly stared blankly, upon recovering her senses, she was frightened to discover that she had actually forgotten what Lin Size looked like.

She had originally thought she would definitely be unable to forget.

But rather, she, filled with fear, floated down in front of Lin Size, and taking a look at him, the items in her mind began to recover one by one, allowing her to release her baited breath.

Following that, Gu Hongjian discovered, her feet had disappeared.

Although the others couldn't see her, but Gu Hongjian could see herself. She looked just like she did in life, and even wore a water green changshan that she loved to wear the most in life, and that day she had unintentionally lowered her head, and discovered that the part of her body below her knees was gone.

Gu Hongjian was only surprised for a little bit, before her heart calmed down.

She knows, the release from the heavens that she wanted to request, was going to come soon.

It wasn't going to be too long now.

Just as she was disappearing bit by bit, really entirely disappearing, first it was all her memories becoming a little fuzzy, and then it was her existence.

Her soul which had quietly and sneakily appeared by Lin Size's side, would also quietly and sneakily disappear, it was actually...... rather nice.

Gu Hongjian, using her usual calmness and attitude, watched herself slowly disappear, until the night Lin Size finally entered Hu prefecture.

Because the situation in Hu prefecture was special, therefore it was inconvenient to enter the city in the deep night. At the time it was indeed too dark, so they first stayed in a pit stop outside of Hu prefecture to rest. Gu Hongjian followed Lin Size into his room, watching him simply groom himself a bit, as he was tired, it didn't take but a bit for him to fall asleep. She wanted to reach her hand out to touch him a bit, but discovered that her hand had disappeared.

Gu Hongjian smiled bitterly, maybe if she just shut her eyes, she could feel herself disappearing bit by bit.

The final disappearance of herself was smoother than she had imagined; really quickly she lost her entire consciousness-- but a moment later, she willfully felt the changes in the air around her, and thus Gu Hongjian opened her eyes, looking around.

She was surprised to discover, she was actually within the imperial palace.

A thousand miles away, inside the imperial palace?!

Gu Hongjian was shocked for a moment, only to discover that since some time ago, there was the sound of a man from somewhere in front of her; it was Lin Size.

Unless...... she didn't die?!

Gu Hongjian was a bit shocked, rushing forward, wanting to pat Lin Size, but Lin Size seemed as surprised as she was, looking around him, still not noticing Gu Hongjian. And then, Gu Hongjian watched him take big steps into Bai Fu hall.

Gu Hongjian could only rush to follow along.

After floating around for a long time, needing to walk on her own, was really very unfamiliar.

The moment was the hour of Zheng, a beautiful moonlight covered the floor, the Lin Size walking in front of Gu Hongjian suddenly stopped his steps, looking in a certain direction.

Gu Hongjian followed his gaze over there, only to see a few boys surrounding a little boy, hitting and kicking him, and then the boy that was surrounded was even pushed into the pond, and then he slowly crawled his way out.

And then following that, a small little girl appeared from somewhere, and put a wooden box by his side, leaving extremely unwillingly.

Lin Size was mesmerized watching it, Gu Hongjian was the same.

Because it was obvious, this was them from back then.

Lin Size, at the time was completely unconscious, not knowing anything, and Gu Hongjian, although knowing it, after many years, watching this scene with a light and blurry situation, also found it a million times mysterious.

The air around them suddenly shifted, the scene around them shifted from Tai Ye pond to Bai Fu hall, only it was deep in the night.

Gu Hongjian saw a small shadow curled up outside Bai Fu hall, occasionally gazing inside, while the laughter and joyous noises rung inside. It was exactly Lin Size and Zuo Ning Yan, and there was also the voice of third princess.

This was still her, one that had grown a little older, a very sorrowful her.

Gu Hongjian couldn't help but look towards Lin Size.

He had probably also remembered when this was, because he just stoically watched that young Gu Hongjian from that year, seeing the past Gu Hongjian in a place that the past Lin Size couldn't see, secretly curling up her unwillingness weeping.

Lin Size moved a bit, as though he wanted to approach and touch that small, that tiny, that sorrowful Gu Hongjian.

But the scene once again changed, and they arrived outside Cheng Xi hall.

The red walls and the green roof tiles were illuminated by lanterns, the large palace was filled with an auspicious air of happiness, it was filled with bright colors, but outside was cold and breezy. Lin Size saw Gu Hongjian fly up the roof, standing there for a very, very long time. Seeing her cold until she quivered, but still staring in the direction of Cheng Xi hall.

Lin Size shut his eyes, upon opening them, he was already standing outside Zhao Hong hall, running into himself, who had just thrown open the doors to leave. He didn't bother paying attention to that Lin Size, but rather took a few steps towards Zhao Hong hall. Expectedly, saw Gu Hongjian sitting inside, she stood within the messy hall, her eyes rimmed with red, but didn't have any expression, only staring blankly at the shattered tea set on the ground.

And afterwards, she bent over to pick up those shattered tea sets, but ended up cutting her hands, big drops of blood dripped out, as though it was going to dye this whole imaginary scene red. Lin Size wanted to approach, but seeing that place that was unceasingly bleeding, had already turned into Gu Hongjian's chest.

She was wearing her military uniform, but was lying sideways atop the yellow dirt by the royal banner, a blade sticking out of her chest.

She hadn't yet shet her eyes, her beautiful eyes were still calmly open, as though she was staring at the sky, or perhaps she was paying attention tot he past, but her body, was already slowly cooling.

Lin Size finally could not hold back, kneeling beside Gu Hongjian's corpse, touching the temperature-less face, which had also been stained by the dirt, crying painfully and yet silently.

And the real Gu Hongjian was just like this, standing by her own corpse and beside Lin Size, taking this all in.

But Lin Size, upon crying for a bit, suddenly felt something, wilfully lifted his head, and unbelievingly looked at Gu Hongjian.

Gu Hongjian originally was filled with sorrow, but, being seen by him now, was suddenly momentarily scared.

Lin Size said, "......Hongjian?"

Gu Hongjian, shockingly looked at him, "You...... can see me now?"

Lin Size stood up, saying, "It's really you? Gu Hongjian?!"

As he said this, he wanted to lower his head, to take a look at that corpse, but discovered that there wasn't a corpse on the ground, and there also wasn't any yellow dirt or scattered snow, around them there wasn't anywhere identifiable, only a consistent empty void.

Lin Size suddenly smiled bitterly, uttering, "I know now...... it's another dream."

Gu Hongjian was a bit frustrated looking at Lin Size, then thinking of something, she reached her hand out to pinch herself.

It doesn't hurt.

It doesn't hurt at all.

It is indeed a dream.

She stood on her toes, and harshly pinched Lin Size's cheeks. Lin Size didn't resist her pinching at all, and after the pinching, Gu Hongjian awkwardly retracted her hand, smiling at him, asked, "Does it hurt?"

"...... It doesn't hurt." Lin Size shook his head, "how could it hurt in a dream."

"There's no feeling at all, right?" Gu Hongjian said.

Lin Size nodded his head, still concentrating his gaze on her.

Gu Hongjian bitterly smiled, saying, "Indeed it's with a dream, ah."

Lin Size, as though amused by her, rather temperately said, "The you within the dream would even bother saying something so like in real life? Today, this dream is too realistic."

Gu Hongjian blinked her eyes, saying, "I also don't know if I am a dream. But, a moment ago, the things we just saw, those all really happened."

Lin Size blanked out, saying, "What?"

"Only, it's all stuff I knew, but you didn't know." Gu Hongjian was also a bit befuddled, "if this is your dream, how would it have those things that only I knew about?"

Lin Size seriously looked at her.

"Therefore, it's very possible that you're in my dream." Gu Hongjian smiled for a bit, "in the past, I heard people say, after dying, you can enter others' dreams, but maybe I'm not the same, I've brought you into my own dream."

Lin Size still didn't say anything, only watching her.

Gu Hongjian almost couldn't maintain her smile anymore, saying, "Lin Size, actually after I died, don't know why, but my soul has never scattered, more so I've been following at your side...... I've witnessed everything. That letter was written by me. That cloak was also draped by me for you, only other than those two times, I can't touch anything, and you also can't see me, nor hear me speak......"

"Really...... you've always been by my side." Lin Size actually smiled lightly.

Gu Hongjian's eyes accumulated a bit of moisture, she took a deep breath, saying, "Wouldn't have thought Zuo Ning Yan didn't die. That's really too good."

Lin Size said, "To me, she had died a long time ago. In fact, it turns out I had gotten it wrong, it is......"

"Enough, I know it all, no need to say it." Gu Hongjian said, "I said it's too good, is saying...... actually, in the future, I don't mind you being with her."

Lin Size said, "That's impossible. Gu Hongjian, I came to find you...... Gu Hongjian!"

Gu Hongjian said, "But I'm already dead, ah, Lin Size."

Lin Size said, "I don't care...... maybe you're not yet dead? Don't some people just have the situation where only their souls have left their bodies?"

Gu Hongjian shook her head, "Why bother lying to yourself...... Lin Size, I already died, why don't you just promise me, live well in the future. Live the life you are supposed to live."

Lin Size said, "Gu Hongjian!"

"I don't blame you, really. Do you still remember, when we were still very small, you asked me if I hated the parents that discarded me. I said I didn't hate them, because they were only making a choice between me and my younger brother, only ultimately choosing the one that was more important to them in the end. To you, at the time you were also only picking what was more important to you. I don't blame my parents, and I don't blame you at all." Gu Hongjian said, softly.

Lin Size only continued to shake his head, "No, Gu Hongjian, don't talk about these things......"

Gu Hongjian said, "My whole life, indeed, wasn't much...... being hated by people, being shamed for others, did a lot of bad things, but after I died, had a lot of time to think about the past, but discovered that actually I wasn't actually unwilling."

"This whole life, I have been working hard for the person I placed importance on, worked hard for the things I wanted to attain, and at the end, even though I never got it, I was still carrying happiness. Other than the single character of, 'Love', which I, Gu Hongjian, hadn't attained, I have also gone back many times to think it over, my love towards you, was it too selfish, and I have also pondered it many times, whether or not you have ever loved me even a little bit, but until now, I finally found out, actually, nobody can attain the single character of 'Romance.' Because it is exactly because you don't understand it that makes it 'Romance.'" Gu Hongjian lightly stated, her tears silently dropping, "I didn't understand it, but also didn't regret it. Lin Size, hope in the future, after you die, you can also be like so."

Lin Size reached out his hand to hold her face, saying, "Gu Hongjian...... if you have really died, then I will go and accompany you. This lifetime, I've mistaken and passed by too much, in the next life, let us be together, okay?"

Gu Hongjian rather was a bit impatiently smiling, "Next lifetime? Okay. If there really is a next lifetime, if we really have to be together again, then, next lifetime, let me be the male, and you the female. You have to, since your childhood, secretly admire me, worship me, wipe away any barrier that is in my way, but also have to blatantly watch me love another, yet marry yet another, both of which are not you. You need to love me until you are recklessly silly, love me until everyone knows about it, but no matter what, are unable to attain my whole heart nor whole intention; you need to be mistaken by me countless times, hurt, to shed for me an entire lifetime's supply of tears, and at the end, you have to die for me, and after you die, you can't attain peace, and have to become a restless ghost, drifting by my side...... that way, perhaps you wouldn't have wasted this lifetime of mine."

Lin Size stared for a while, but quickly opened his mouth to say yes, but Gu Hongjian didn't let him say anything, but herself, said, "I said this, not because I really want you to be this way, but I just wanted to tell you, if in the next lifetime, you really meet me, this will really be the type of scenario it would be, but I would still find it tiresome. Having this this way- a continuous cycle of karma, until when will it end? It would be better to have one matter count as one matter, the matters that should end, just let them end. Lin Size, please, no matter what, continue to live well, and don't die with me, let me leave on my own, okay?"

This was probably the nicest and yet the most hurtful wish.

Lin Size seriously looked for a while, finally still nodding his head, "Okay. I promise you."

Gu Hongjian, her heart filled with satisfaction, smiled, saying, "Just a moment ago, we had such a knot, but suddenly, I feel like this whole life of mine was really outrageous. But in the past, I had seen a single phrase, saying liking a person will cause one to do many outrageous things for that person. Then my outrageous life, has ultimately still demonstrated my heart."

"Some words, I have never said, and if I don't say it now, there probably won't be another opportunity. Lin Size, I love you. I've loved you for a very long, very long time, but, ultimately, it has to end."

Lin Size didn't say anything, reaching his hands out to hug her tightly, and Gu Hongjian, carrying her tears, also reached her hands out to reciprocate this final embrace.

But before the two could really embrace each other, Gu Hongjian's body began gradually disappearing.

"I also love you. And, it's the type of adoration you like-- have always loved you, only loved you." Lin Size lightly said.

There was no response.

And in his embrace was only emptiness.

Lin Size gradually opened his eyes, but looking around, he only saw the darkness. Gu Hongjian had long ceased to exist.

Unrepentant 25

Lin Size encountered heavy resistance on this issue, but finally, was going to embark; the people he was bringing were not many, and the matters of the court were handed to a few trustworthy high officials to take care of, Mister Meng served as the regent, and amongst the high officials in the end, there was still Zuo Ning Hao and Zhao Yun Yuan.

Zuo Yun Yuan and Lin Size spoke for two hours in the study, exiting a bit exhausted, and further heard from Jiang Haifu that Mister Meng had gone and seen Lin Size, but Mister Meng couldn't change the way Lin Size was thinking, even furthering Lin Size's conviction towards going to Hu prefecture.

When Zhao Yun Yuan heard Jiang Haifu say that phrase: "For this whole life, only owe a death," he also exhaled deeply, "The emperor and Assistant Gu...... aye..."

Jiang Haifu also sighed repeatedly, "One must think that assistant Gu probably hated...... that's why I also am unclear what had happened between the emperor and Assistant Gu, but...... to say something that is very painful, the way Assistant Gu treats the emperor, that's really something that can't be criticized. Ah."

Zhao Yun Yuan, as though thinking of something, looked distantly, dazing off for a bit, and then bitterly said, "Yes. Ah, Assistant Gu is an unrestrained character, but towards the emperor, is truly treating with sincerity."

Jiang Haifu thought for a while, saying, "Official Zhao, is there any possibility that Assistant Gu is still alive?"

"How can I tell." Zhao Yun Yuan lightly shook his head, "perhaps, can only hope that she is still alive."

Jiang Haifu nodded his head, "Aye, yeah...... let's not talk about it, official Zhao. I want to go to the study to take a look; the emperor and you have discussed for so long, so you're probably bored, and I also should go to serve."

Zhao Yun Yuan nodded his head, "Mmm. The emperor is still coughing pretty severely; if he really intends to leave in two days, gotta hurry and make his sickness recover somewhat in three days. Aye."

Jiang Haifu said, "Mmm, two days later, the emperor will definitely head out...... now, nobody's dissuasion will work."

Saying thus, he hurriedly entered the study, and Zhao Yun Yuan stood outside the room, lightly sighing a bit.

"If it was me...... I'm afraid I would also behave this way."

Gu Hongjian was a bit surprised.

As for Lin Size's desire to head to Hu prefecture, Zhao Yun Yuan's public behavior was extremely opposing it, but now, he actually secretly demonstrated his approval......

Could it be, that in reality, he actually supported Lin Size?

It's really unbelievably strange- that originally stubborn, the one who prioritizes family and state first-- official Zhao, would also have this type of moment?

Gu Hongjian dubiously watched Zhao Yun Yuan leave, then slowly returned to the study; Lin Size was sitting inside the study, coughing while bearing with things, on one hand, still approving memorandums. For the last two days, his face wasn't looking too good, looking paler than the thinnest sheet of paper, dark and thick rings forming under his two eyes, and his lips having lost all color.

And it didn't take but a few short days, the originally already skinny Lin Size lost another ring around his trunk; Gu Hongjian used her hand to measure really quickly, and felt that his chin was already sharp to the point where it could clear the floor.

Even though she said it one way, but in actuality, Gu Hongjian's heart still ached.

Lin Size wasting his life and experience away like this, it was very apparent that he was just punishing himself.

Regarding the matter of Gu Hongjian's death, it had him as a big reason. He couldn't even find anyone else to possibly blame, because to him, he was the sinner.

He could only punish himself.

But, he probably wouldn't have thought, that when he was punishing himself, Gu Hongjian wasn't one who was ignorant of the fact, but on the contrary, she saw everything and held them in her eyes.

Therefore this punishment, had once again become a portion for two.

Gu Hongjian exhaled deeply-- really, he wouldn't even let her rest after dying.

Occasionally she would also think, why did it need to be this way?

A few years ago...... it seemed like, it was exactly that time when she was drunk, that day when she had run into Zhao Yun Yuan, when she had just left the palace, before she had gone to Zui Xian tavern, halfway there, she had encountered a burial parade, passersby were all afraid of it being inauspicious, so they all went inside the stores to avoid it; Gu Hongjian was one who actually didn't believe these supersitions, but stood by the side of the street, watching.

Yellow paper littered the ground, accompanied by the deceased's family and the wailing melody.

At the side stood a married woman, who had also not avoided the procession, perhaps seeing that Gu Hongjian was mesmerized watching them, had proactively started speaking, saying, "Aye, the deceased is a man, it's really pitiful, ah. His age was young, and he was a pretty capable one, but suddenly got sick and died. He had just married a wife. Oh, look, that one that is crying the most pitifully is his newlywed wife, from their youth, they had grown up as childhood friends, it's said that their relationship is  particularly deep. It's really pitiful, ah. Originally, when he was supposed to be full of life, just left like that."

Gu Hongjian took a single look at that married woman, nodded her head, saying, "Mmm. It is pitiful."

Who knew that a guy that was dressed normally, and standing by the side, a guy who had always been by the side of the wall, half of whose face was covered by his hat, said, "He's already dead, so what's there to pitiful for him? It's actually his family and his wife that are pitiful. They raised their son, and their son had finally come of age, and in the blink of an eye, he just left. Growing up together as childhood friends, and, after much difficulty, finally getting married together, it only took one move to make her a widow...... Tsk tsk tsk, the dead one doesn't know anything, so what is there to pity for him; the ones that are still alive are the actually pitiful ones. Look, for the dead one, they are crying so loudly, but where is there someone to cry for them?"

The married woman angrily gazed at that man, and only muttered a "you're sick" before leaving. Gu Hongjian actually thought that his words were somewhat interesting; taking a look at that man, she found that although he was dressed poorly, and wore a leaky grass hat to cover his face, but could still see that his face was rather noble, and his stature was upright.

Seeing Gu Hongjian watching him, he smiled a bit at her, saying, "How do you see it?"

What did Gu Hongjian say at the time?

It seemed like she said a, "Good sir really has insight. If one day, because of an accident, I died before the person I loved, I would rather that person wasn't even a little bit sad."

The other party said, "Oh? But that way, towards yourself, wouldn't it be unfair?"

"The emotion has already been given out, so there has never been a good judgment on its fairness." Gu Hongjian smiled, "additionally, just as good sir has said, the person has already died, so what is there left."

The other party also seemed to have respectfully cupped his hands, and turned around to leave; Gu Hongjian actually put this exchange of words into her heart, then thinking about the matter of Zuo Ning Yan, she had afterwards run to Zui Xian Tavern, to get inebriated.

And now, she could more thoroughly understand this phrase.

The living would cry for the dead, but how about the living? Who would feel sad for them?

Rationally speaking, there wasn't anyone; when people died, they would no longer be conscious of anything.

But she's different, she was still here, watching Lin Size's sorrow, and because of his suffering, she would feel pain in her heart.

Lin Size didn't abide by her wishes to have no reaction to her death, but rather his reaction was pretty large.

Thus, Gu Hongjian would often think about why this was, and the answer she arrived after thinking over it, was that the heavens really didn't see eye to eye with her, and didn't stop punishing her at the moment of her death.

At the time, when she saw Lin Size with He Fang Ning enter their chambers to do the deed, she had thought this way, but later, seeing Lin Size suffering because of her, she discovered that she could still feel sad.

And ultimately, until what time, would she have to keep suffering like this without limit?

As long as she was by Lin Size's side, she would never get release; Lin Size's unforgettable memory of her, his psychological self torture, she would suffer; Lin Size forgetting how to live a happy life with others, would also deprive her of happiness.

She was truly tired, she stood behind Lin Size, watching him for so long and so many years, she had constantly been secretly and bit by bit satisfied, until now, she was truly being tormented until she had no strength.

She wanted to escape, she wanted to be released.

Now Gu Hongjian just wished that all of this would quickly end, and to really end things cleanly and completely with Lin Size. And after that, his joy, anger, sorrow, excitement, his entire life, would have nothing to do with her.

Sounds like its really selfish, right?

But she just wants to be selfish this one time, only.

Gu Hongjian was lost in thought, but noticed that from some time she hadn't noticed, that Lin Size had collapsed, asleep by his desk.

At the beginning, Jiang Haifu had been dismissed outside by him, inside Wen Dao hall, there was only Lin Size; he fell asleep and nobody had come to cover him with a blanket or to wake him to have him sleep in bed.

Gu Hongjian's heart wavered with worry, seeing that in front of her, there was a large black cloak by Lin Size's side, not far away, on a stool, but she had no way of grabbing it over to cover him with it; her heart was impatient and worried, repeatedly reaching her hands out to touch that cloak, but repeatedly time after time, would pass through that cloak.

She had almost despaired, when she used her hands to once again touch that cloak, but surprising discovered that she had touched that cloak.

Gu Hongjian was momentarily shocked, and a moment later, she took that cloak and covered Lin Size.

She blinked her eyes, unable to believe the sight of the cloak draping Lin Size.

How could it be this way?

Unless she could once again touch things?!

Gu Hongjian excitedly wanted to touch Lin Size, but found that she was once again passing through Lin Size, and the cloak that was on him.

What was that a moment ago?!

Gu Hongjian both disappointedly yet hopefully pondered, could it have been a hallucination?!

But right now, she is still good, ah......

Gu Hongjian could only helplessly float about in the room, trying to touch and bump every little thing, unfortunately a miracle didn't happen.

And Lin Size slowly awoke.

He opened his eyes a little bit sleepily, and rubbed his forehead, and then he stretched his neck, and then froze, looking at that cloak on him.

Gu Hongjian: "......"

Lin Size hurriedly rose, the cloak fluttering off him, he cought it with his hands, calling out loudly, "Jiang Haifu?!"

Only calling twice, Jiang Haifu rushed into the study, saying, "Emperor, what's the matter?"

Lin Size said, "Jiang Haifu, did you cover me with this?!"

Jiang Haifu suspiciously said, "Ah? There wasn't such a thing, ah...... emperor, after you had me go out, I haven't come inside......"

Lin Size lowered his head, looking at the cloak in his hand, suddenly lightly saying, "Gu Hongjian."

Jiang Haifu: "Ah?!"

Lin Size raised his head, looking around the room, which had no movement, saying, "Gu Hongjian!? Is it you?!"

Jiang Haifu took a deep breath: "Emperor?! What is the matter with you?!"

"After I was sleeping, someone draped me with this!" the hand that Lin Size was holding the cloak with tightened, "Gu Hongjian, is it you?! Are you here?!"

His throat, because of constant coughing had become a bit hoarse, making the way he was calling Gu Hongjian's name sound a bit more heartrending; Gu Hongjian's heart was aching, but could only watch Lin Size grasping that cloak, calling her name.

It's me.

It's me.

Gu Hongjian repeated over and over, not finding it annoying or bothersome, but answering each time.

But even this way, Lin Size could not hear.

He also only suddenly, repeatedly called Gu Hongjian's name, looking around him.

Gu Hongjian floated in front of him, wanting to look into his gaze, but he would quickly shift his gaze in another direction.

He would also be looking for Gu Hongjian, but didn't know that Gu Hongjian was always by his side.

Gu Hongjian watched has his voice grew dim, the despair growing deep in Lin Size's eyes, her own heart gradually also filled with despair.

She had once said, Lin Size would never turn around to take a look at her, would never use his eyes to chase her shadow.

But now, Lin Size was working hard searching for her, and she was right there in front of his face.

In his eyes, however, there would never again be the imprinted reflection of her countenance.

TN: I just thought of something. I think Zui Xian Tavern could probably be translated as Drunken Fairy tavern.

Unrepentant 24

The news that Lin Size wanted to go to Hu prefecture slowly spread, everyone was extremely perplexed, but at the same time they all felt a bit more irregularity in the air than usual.

First, Lin Size announced that Consort Ning had died from sickness, that the harem was once again empty without a single person, but some people had obviously seen Zuo Ning Hao bring a woman who looked somewhat like Consort Ning away, but this was a small matter in front of what was to come, so nobody mentioned it.

Originally, Lin Size wanted to summon Zuo Ning Hao to announce a few things, so that he could better go to Hu prefecture, but suddenly, the issue with Zuo Ning Yan arose, so everything became thoroughly messier.

Gu Hongjian actually didn't know how the situation was when Zuo Ning Hao and Zuo Ning Yan reunited, only on the second day, when court was in session, she saw that Zuo Ning Hao's facial expression was exhausted, entirely not seeing any joy from having been reunited with his resurrected sister, but his eyes were a bit red and swollen, probably because yesterday their reunion caused him to be too happy, and he probably wept in Zuo Ning Yan's embrace, or maybe because he was too excited and thus had a sleepless night, thus when he attended court in the morning he was so listless.

And also, uncertain as to whether or not it was becomes of Zuo Ning Yan's reappearance, but as to Lin Size's desire to head to Hu prefecture, he actually didn't have any objections, only deeply requesting that he would also accompany him there.

Hearing that he also wanted to accompany the expedition there, Gu Hongjian was unrivaled in her surprise, this guy had probably discovered that she, Gu Hongjian actually didn't cause her sister's death, then thinking on how he was that mean to Gu Hongjian, therefore he felt a bit guilty, thus behaving this way.

But Lin Size naturally wouldn't let him follow along, dismissing him with two or three phrases; Zuo Ning Hao expressed that he was a bit disappointed, but didn't say much more.

And Zhao Yun Yuan perhaps had the biggest reaction.

Knowing that Lin Size wanted to go to Hu prefecture, he spent the night writing a long, detailed and thick memorandum, generally and specifically detailing the reasons as to why Lin Size couldn't leave the capital, but Lin Size didn't even bother looking at it, saying only a, "Beloved official Zhao, what you've said is reasonable, but I have my own considerations," dismissing him this way.

Of course Zhao Yun Yuan wasn't that easy to dismiss, and he didn't give up at all, continuing to attempt to persuade Lin Size.

Lin Size still continued to ignore his high officials, and already begun to prepare for the expedition; Zhao Yun Yuan really didn't have any way, and  pulling Jiang Haifu, inquired him, but Jiang Haifu, having been pestered the whole day, managed to only think of one thing, clapped his hands saying, "There's probably one person that can dissuade the emperor."

Zhao Yun Yuan asked, "Who?!"

"In the past, official Gu once informed us, that she and the emperor had a common master, the two both respected that master very much. His name was... something... Mister Meng...... only that Mister Meng, not long before the emperor ascended the throne, had left and afterwards was traveling about the world, never even so much as sent a letter...... so we totally couldn't find him......"

Zhao Yun Yuan thought for a long time, and decided on a very simple and crude method-- he let people print a massive amount of announcements to place in public areas, on it, he would only write, "Master Lin is in danger, asking for Mister Meng's assistance."

Jiang Haifu secretly helped, but was still anxiously asking Zhao Yun Yuan, could this really bait Mister Meng out?

Zhao Yun Yuan stated, "Right now, official Gu... the news of her death has already spread abroad, and if that Mister Meng is still alive, he would definitely know that things are not ideal, and rush to return to the capital; he will definitely see these announcements, and as long as he has seen them, he will definitely come."

And luckily Zhao Yun Yuan predicted accurately.

Three days later, Gu Hongjian managed to see Mister Meng, whom she had not seen in six or seven years.

Seeing him, he hadn't changed at all, it was as if it was many years ago-- he drank a mouthful of wine, turned to leave, but right after leaving the palatial grounds, he turned around to come back.

Gu Hongjian suddenly decided that life was truly mysterious, many aspirations, when she was alive, she couldn't make come true, but after she had died, they came true one by one.

Mist Meng had probably seen the news that Zhao Yun Yuan had assigned people to spread out, but didn't bother searching for Zhao Yun Yuan, but had rather entered the palace.

The imperial palace was just like the way it was in the past, for Mister Meng, there weren't any obstacles for his entering or leaving. He came deep in the night, standing atop the roof tiles, right as Lin Size was standing outside Zhang Gan palace, gazing at the moon, and behind Lin Size, there was actually the female ghost of Gu Hongjian, who was also deep in thought, but could perhaps better be described as staring blankly.

Mister Meng just called out Lin Size's name, and then lightly drifted to the ground.

The accompanying Jiang Haifu received a fright, and right as he was going to summon guards, Lin Size already motioned him to stop, and then lightly, very surprised, and finally having been a bit happy for the first time said, "Mister Meng?"

Jiang Haifu, upon hearing this name, immediately retreated away.

Mister Meng faced Lin Size, smiling a bit, "Size, it's been many years since we last met, you've really grown into an adult."

Lin Size happily said, "Mister had already left for seven years... indeed, it's already been a really long time."

Mister Meng said, "I've wandered the four seas, and have long not had a stable residence, never was convenient to get married, never noticed the passing of time, and thus I haven't bothered counting it."

Lin Size slightly nodded, "Thus, mister looks just like he did in the past."

Mister Meng waived his hand, "Let's not talk about this; Size, I came because of the matter with Hongjian."

Lin Size's mood soured instantly, crestfallen, "She..."

"Her matter, I've learned all about. Unfortunately I learned of it too late, after I learned that you actually sent her to Hu prefecture, I had wanted to rush to Hu prefecture, but unfortunately I was one step too slow. Thus, I figured I would just return to the capital." Mister Meng sighed, "Size, you were too befuddled."

Lin Size honestly replied, "What mister has said is true."

"Back then, before you ascended, I had said, Hongjian is a good young lass, but is also a naive lass, if she followed you for a single day, she would follow you for her whole life. As to the matter that came between you two, I haven't wanted to speculate much on it, and I don't want to ask more on it, only, losing her, is perhaps the biggest loss in your life." Mister Meng shook his head.

Lin Size said, "Yes. I've already...... had this type of feeling."

Mister Meng said, "But this is already the past, you have already lost Gu Hongjian, your right arm, so you need to be even more careful. Hongjian's loss, I've already been very sorrowful over, but regarding the matter of life and death, nobody can alter it. Many years ago, when I learned of your mother's death, I chased after her crazily and recklessly for half a month, but other than almost dying of wine intoxication, there was no change at all; in the end, I came to find you, which turned out to be some settlement with your mother. Now, as the country's ruler, the more you are sorrowful, the more you have to calm down; a place like Hu prefecture, is it the type of place you should go to? And where would you find the time to go there, to throw everything aside to rush to Hu prefecture? Do you want to recover Hongjian's corpse? Then you can totally send people to do it, and even if you went, what use is there? What, do you think that once you arrived there, Hongjian's missing corpse would magically appear?"

Lin Size probably already knew that Mister Meng came to dissuade himself not to go to Hu prefecture, so he didn't have any particular reaction, only pondering for a bit, and then saying, "Mister Meng, do you also think that Hongjian has really died?"

Mister Meng furrowed his brows, "What do you mean by this? Didn't they say, many eyes were present when Hongjian was knocked off her horse, and was subsequently pierced thoroughly be the opposing side?"

Lin Size said, "Mmmh...... but, I still insist that I want to see the person if they're alive, and the corpse if they're dead. Even if she's really dead, I still want to bring her back...... she died for me, can't possibly keep her from returning home even after she's dead. After all, I keep having this feeling, that Hongjian hasn't actually died......"

Gu Hongjian stood behind Lin Size and rolled her eyes--really sorry about this, but my soul is just standing behind you......

Mister Meng stated, "Your feeling? What if it's not accurate? After all, even if Hongjian hasn't died, you wouldn't necessarily be able to find her. How do you know, that after experiencing these things, if she could fortunately live, that she would still want to return to your side?"

Gu Hongjian stood behind Mister Meng and rolled her eyes-- really sorry about this, but even my soul has returned......

Mister Meng sighed, saying, "I've already returned to the palace, and already visited Bai Fu palace. I've thought that you probably wouldn't have gone to that place again."

Lin Size said, "Bai Fu palace? What's there?"

Mister Meng said, "I thought that based on Hongjian's personality, prior to her expedition, she would have prepared for the possibility of death, and would definitely have left something behind...... so, I searched Bai Fu palace in and out, and finally managed to find this."

He took out a sheet of paper, and lightly unfolded it, on it was Gu Hongjian's lettering, only owe you my death in this life.

Lin Size stared at that phrase for a long time, and suddenly clenched his teeth, beating the stone table with his fist, "Gu Hongjian......Gu Hongjian! What do you owe me?! In this life only owing you me death......you don't owe me! Why did you have to die?!"

Gu Hongjian was really shocked, looking at it, that letter didn't have tears or sorrow, and it was indeed really written by her in Bai Fu palac previously, but really, she just wanted to curse Lin Size a bit, because back then, Lin Size blamed her for getting Zuo Ning Yan killed, and that's why she had written that she owed him a death flippantly, and wanted to submit it as a memorandum to Lin Size, but later, thinking on it more, there wasn't a need to, so she had crumpled it up, and stuffed it in the gap in the desk.

Who would have thought Mister Meng actually managed to find it... this is really......

This type of statement, Lin Size would definitely overthink it......

Gu Hongjian could only helplessly look at Lin Size studying this phrase, sitting there until dawn of the next day. She didn't have a way to tell Lin Size, that she didn't actually blame him now.

This life, after all they had passed it together.

She's already dead, and doesn't know when she will completely disappear, but right now, Lin Size was still alive, both young and standing at the pinnacle, his future looking promising and good.

Previously, for him, she had gotten rid of a lot of shadows, and now, she didn't actually want to become that biggest shadow.

Lin Size had stared blankly for a full night, the result of which was his cold getting much more severe.

Although amidst this, Jiang Haifu had had servants add additional coverings, but in the end, the nights were cold and the wind frigid, and as his cold had originally not even recovered, after this, his sickness got worse by a non insignificant amount.

Gu Hongjian, just floating around Lin Size, would feel that she could be coughed blown far away just by the sound of Lin Size's coughing.

Unfortunately, this night didn't just add to Lin Size's sickness, but also made firm his determination to go to Hu prefecture.

Perhaps it was because the shock of Gu Hongjian's letter being too large, Lin Size already couldn't bother with  anything else, and wanted to go to Hu prefecture, no matter that he was very sick.

Gu Hongjian actually had a very mysterious feeling, like he already no longer cared about the condition of his own body.

Because this type of situation, Gu Hongjian was very familiar with, naturally remembering that time when she was in Hu prefecture, she also had this mood.

On one hand, she was thinking of how to win a victorious battle so as to not let Lin Size get disappointed, and on the other hand she was thinking that if she ended up dying, it would also be good, sparing her from having to return to watch Lin Size and He Fang Ning having such strong interactions, and having to deal with Lin Size's ignoring of her.

It's not that everyone will end up wishing for death, after all, wishing for death also requires courage.

But distantly looking lightly upon one's own life was actually really easy.

She didn't intentionally want to go and die, but she also didn't particularly want to work hard in order to live.

That was the her then, and also the Lin Size now.

Unrepentant 23

And from the outside, arrived the noise of someone's arrival; perhaps Lin Size thought it was one of his officials that had arrived, his face quickly paled, but as he raised his head, he saw that the one who had arrived was actually He Fang Ning.

Lin Size's facial expression fell, saying, "What have you come for?"

He Fang Ning said, "Emperor, this consort... has something to say."

Lin Size took a look at her, saying, "Jiang Haifu is really big mouthed."

He Fang Ning said, "That's because he cares about you, and also because he hasn't lost his rationality yet."

"If it's about the matter of Hu prefecture, there's no need to dissuade me. I've already made up my mind." Lin Size responded.

He Fang Ning said, "Emperor, I know that you must be very sorrowful right now, but please, no matter what, calm down for a moment. Not even mentioning that right now, you're needed for dealing with the matters of the imperial court, as these things I do not understand, nor do I want to nose in on, but just on the matter of your health, you really can't handle it!"

Lin Size answered, "I know how to handle myself."

He Fang Ning said, "You're going, no matter what?"

Lin Size answered with his deep, silent pondering.

"You say that you can handle it...... but, if you really could handle it, you originally wouldn't let Assistant Gu go to Hu prefecture in the first place!" He Fang Ning suddenly answered, her voice changing.

Lin Size was stunned, and looked at He Fang Ning, with an incredulous look.

Gu Hongjian was also extremely surprised, looking at He Fang Ning, feeling that now that her voice had suddenly become stern, when compared to the usual He Fang Ning, who was normally such a soft and weak little white rabbit, it seemed like they were two different people, actually seeming somewhat like the He Fang Ning she had met during the wedding.

And this type of He Fang Ning, was actually a bit more pleasing to her eyes......

He Fang Ning stated, "Assistant Gu knows martial arts, and this consort also knows some. But, at the end, Assistant Gu is still a woman, and emperor, you sending her there, did you never consider that she would be in danger, and did you not know that she might die?!"

Gu Hongjian: ...Wha?! She actually had the nerve to say this?! And she's got the nerve to push Lin Size around?!

He Fang Ning didn't wait for Lin Size to respond before continuing, "This is being unfair to Assistant Gu, in reality, it's also being unfair towards the people. Even though Assistant Gu knows martial arts, but she doesn't have actual combat experience in warfare; and although Assistant General Wang is present, but at the end, it's still not a wise decision. Additionally, the way Assistant Gu does things, you're also very clear of, for achieving her goal, she can do anything recklessly...... no matter what, you're permitting of her going to Hu prefecture, it really has a thousand reasons why it's wrong. And at the time, I also didn't know anything, and couldn't say anything-- of course, I also can't deny, that even if I could have said something, I wouldn't have dissuaded you, because on certain aspects, Assistant Gu is my enemy...... and emperor, you let Assistant Gu do things that her enemies would think are beneficial to them...... heh."

Gu Hongjian's eyes and tongue were numbed by the shocking statement.

And Lin Size was angered, thumping the desk with his hand, saying, "I've given her opportunities to leave! My sending her to Hu prefecture was only to let her know that she was dealing with more than she could handle, and to have self-consciousness to leave on her own terms!"

"Emperor, even I could see how bad your relationship had gotten at that time; if Assistant Gu really left the capital, perhaps it would be very difficult to find her again? In such a situation, if it were me, I also wouldn't leave." He Fang Ning changed her voice to say.

Lin Size took a deep breath, ultimately not being angered, but rather nodded his head, "What you've said isn't false."

He Fang Ning's eyes revealed a small glimmer of happiness.

"But Hu prefecture, I still want to go to." Lin Size softly said.

Gu Hongjian: "......"

He Fang Ning revealed a bitter expression, "Emperor...... this consort really doesn't understand, since you value Assistant Gu this much, now that she has died, you even want to go to Hu prefecture for her corpse, then when she was alive, why didn't you properly treasure her?"

Every word was aimed at the heart.

Lin Size's face was still conciliatory, answering, "Enough!"

"You obviously love Assistant Gu very much. Last time this consort asked you, but you responded by questioning when you had ever said you loved her...... Yes, you've never said it, but this consort has witnessed it all with her eyes! Not to deceive you, but when I had just entered the palace, this consort was arrogant and self-centered, believing that I had personally replaced Assistant Gu's place, but on the day of the wedding, this consort realized she was wrong...... The night for the wedding consummation, you actually didn't touch me at all......"

He Fang Ning had ultimately still recalled something sad, shutting her eyes, drops of tears descended.

Gu Hongjian was actually shocked beyond belief-- what, on Lin Size's wedding night, he actually didn't even touch He Fang Ning?!

Damnit she had stood on the roof tiles, bearing the brunt of the frigid wind until the deep recesses of the night, wanting to look at and thinking of what was happening in the palace!

Really......

"This consort originally thought that it was only because your mood wasn't good that day. Who knew that after this long, even til today, you haven't touched this consort." He Fang Ning had a pity smile, "people also say that Assistant Gu lost favor because of me, that the emperor favors me every night...... but who knows, the everyday when the emperor enters my pavilion, he only takes his outer robe off and goes straight to sleep...... even when I discard my dignity, using my soft and supple words, the emperor isn't moved by it...... ha, everyone says that assistant Gu is unfortunate, but who knows that this consort is the most pitiful one?"

Gu Hongjian: "......"

In the past, everyday at night, when she heard that Lin Size was once against staying the night at He Fang Ning's place, she had to secret cough three mouthfuls of blood, holding her chest, having trouble falling asleep, but it turns out they were just innocently sleeping?! Even last time, on the first night when she had just turned into a restless ghost and came back looking for Lin Size, when she had heard He Fang Ning's "soft and seductive words", and the noise of clothing rubbing, and she had sorrowfully run away, it had turned out after she had drifted away, there wasn't any physical activity afterwards?!

Gu Hongjian didn't even know how she should describe her feeling right now.

Why was this?

Unless, that time, when she and Lin Size had gotten in a fight, because Lin Size had gotten too angry, so some body parts...... couldn't get up anymore?

No, no matter how you think about it, it's not possible......

Unless......

Gu Hongjian's heart moved, and she drifted between the two of them, and took a detailed look at Lin Size's expression.

Indeed, the expression on his face at this time, didn't have a trace of a lack of confidence nor guilt, only indifference.

He Fang Ning said, "Emperor, even up til now, you don't plan on explaining why this is? Unless back then when you were with Assistant Gu, every time, you also only fell asleep with her?"

Lin Size answered, "Naturally not."

He had actually answered......

Gu Hongjian, mildly embarrassedly floated a little bit away.

"Since your highness doesn't want to say it, then how about this consort say it for you." He Fang Ning smiled beautifully, "it's because of Zuo Ning Yan, right?"

Gu Hongjian was now really scared.

How would He Fang Ning know about Zuo Ning Yan?! Even if she knew about her, he could she have the nerves to speak of it?!

Indeed, Lin Size's expression turned a bit cruel towards her, "Who told you?!"

He Fang Ning said, "Assistant Gu."

Gu Hongjian: "......"

Oh heavens, she's already dead, and yet, He Fang Ning is unwilling to let her off, bullying her because she's dead, and irresponsibly throwing her under the bus, huh?!

"How would she tell you this?" Lin Size obviously didn't believe it.

He Fang Ning answered, "Assistant Gu didn't say too much, she only said one phrase...... The day when this consort was entering the palace, assistant Gu was the one who escorted me, have you forgotten? She originally told me, the emperor, you, would never really love anyone, for what, she didn't say; but I guessed, she would say that, probably because your highness already had someone else, and that person wasn't me, and it also wasn't assistant Gu...... And afterwards, assistant Gu unintentionally saw my face, was momentarily stunned, and suddenly changed her mind, saying that your highness would definitely love me...... the only possibility, was that I and Zuo Ning Yan looked very similar."

"You guessed this all by yourself?" Lin Size stated, "but how would you know of Zuo Ning Yan?! And how did you learn what she looked like?"

"The year your highness ascended the throne, Zuo Ning Yan, as the eldest daughter of the Zuo family, for her sickly younger brother, agreed to marry Yao Tian Ao, but she ultimately couldn't handle it, and on the date of her wedding, committed suicide. That way, her brother could get his medication, and she wouldn't need to marry Yao Tian Ao. It's very intelligent, but also very dumb." He Fang Ning lightly said, "But she also didn't have any other choice."

Lin Size, as if hearing some hidden meaning, said, "Who are you, really?"

He Fang Ning's eyes sparkled as she looked at Lin Size, saying, "Your highness, that year, I was fourteen, and was pulled into Bai Fu pavilion by the princess, and amidst my shock, I met you. That day, the moonlight was really good, you were also really good, smiling at me warmly, but never expressed anything. I've never known, that you admired me. Until I used the identity of He Fang Ning to live in a village neighboring the capital for a few years, and was missing my father a lot; ignoring his persuasion, I entered the capital, but upon meeting you, you brought me into the palace, letting me know that I looked just like the woman you used to love......"

Lin Size couldn't believe himself as he looked at her, as if his whole person had been frozen solid.

He Fang Ning's expression actually turned even softer, "This consort unintentionally saw one of your paintings, that was of me from that year...... This caused me to feel fortunate, that it turned out you had really admired me from that time. And I, filled with joy, because after meeting you, this consort also fell in love with you. In this world, there's nothing more fortunate that the one you love also loving you. Emperor, how could there possibly be two people that look so similar? I am Zuo Ning Yan, and Zuo Ning Yan is He Fang Ning."

"...... How could this be?" Lin Size softly said, "didn't you die?"

He Fang Nong...... no, Zuo Ning Yan, shook her head, "At the time, the faking of my death, only my father and I knew of this; even my little brother, Zuo Ning Hao didn't know of it. I used the identity of He Fang Ning to live in a village close to the capital, only because Yao Tian Ao was never captured by the law, so my father was too afraid to let me return to the capital. But this year, during Qing Ming holiday, I still returned...... a little previously, Yao Tian Ao had been captured, which Ning Hao informed my father, and my father had people secretly tell me, thus I learned of it. Turns out that thing had assistant Gu's manipulation in it. But I didn't actually hate her, after all this consort can be counted as being ultimately fortunate......"

Zuo Ning Yan's expression was even more affectionate, softly speaking, but Lin Size, other than when he was shocked at the begging, had slowly recovered his calmness, even becoming colder over time, until Zuo ning Yan had finished, he once again asked, "Weren't you dead?"

Zuo Ning Yan stared blankly, saying, "Emperor......?"

Lin Size said, "Zuo Ning Yan already died."

Zuo Ning Yan's eyes widened, looking at Lin Size, a little incredulously.

"Zuo Ning Yan died many years ago, for her death, Gu Hongjian and I had gotten in fights two major times, the last of which, it had caused her to pay up her......" Speaking till here, Lin Size stopped before being able to continue speaking, "paid up her life."

Zuo Ning Yan suddenly understood Lin Size's meaning, and a bit unbelievably said, "Emperor?! You can't say it like this......"

Lin Size said, "You are He Fang Ning, and can only be He Fang Ning. Zuo Ning Yan has already died for a long time, and has no possibility of resurrecting. Didn't you ask why I wanted to marry you, but never touched you? Then I'll tell you. I only believe that you and Zuo Ning Yan look really alike, so having you by my side to look at, is a good way to keep remembrance of her. Zuo Ning Yan and I, are only a dream from many years ago. How could I possibly do anything to a dream?"

"Then why did you still send Assistant Gu to Hu prefecture for me?! If it's only a dream, why would you, for a dream, destroy your present reality!?" Zuo Ning Yan inquired painfully.

Lin Size answered, "I am only angry that she would continue to hide things from me! But what you have said isn't wrong, everything was singlehandedly destroyed by me. Even if now, it's impossible to fix, I must fix it."

Zuo Ning Yan shook her head, "Emperor, you can't be like this...... do you know how long I have imagined how I would tell you that I was Zuo Ning Yan, this scene?! It shouldn't be this way...... it shouldn't be this way......"

Zuo Ning Yan's tears couldn't be stopped, she wept on one hand, while on the other hand, she rested against the wall, as though she would pass out at any moment, but her expression towards Lin Size was still carrying a trace of hope.

But, Lin Size had already turned his head, no longer looking at her, a while later, Lin Size finally said, "In a bit, Zuo Ning Hao will arrive. You brother and sister can acknowledge each other, and then you can leave with him; afterwards, how things will be, you can decide for yourself."

Zuo Ning Yan said, "You're going to force me out?! You want to force me out......?"

Lin Size didn't bother acknowledging her.

"Good, good, good......" Zuo Ning Yan wept secretly, then wiped her tears, flushed her nose, saying, "emperor, this consort wants to ask you one more question."

Lin Size didn't say anything, it was probably a silent affirmation.

Zuo Ning Yan said, "Originally, you really did like me, right? I want to know why. Unless it was because of that one night at Bai Fu pavilion? Or was it a bit earlier, during that year in Ying Chun garden? Actually I don't know, the times we had met were really too few......"

"No." Lin Size cut her off, "it was earlier. The winter solstice of the third year of Wan Shun, by the side of Tai Ye pond."

Gu Hongjian who had been watching the two silently, opened her eyes wide.

But Zuo Ning Yan only confusedly, "The third year of Wan Shun? That year I was only six...... you were also only seven......"

Lin Size actually didn't find it out of the ordinary, "You probably don't remember it now. That year, I was seven, and had been pushed into the pond by my so-called older brothers; when I had crawled out of the pond, I quickly passed out, but shortly later, regained consciousness; by my side there was a box of food, inside it there was a bowl of warm soup. The markings on the box belonged to Zuo estate, I inquired around, and learned that that year, Zuo Ning Yan came out to Dong Zhi garden to play, and her servant by the side had brought soup. The grace of one bowl of soup, to Zuo Ning Yan, although it's probably just the wave of a hand, but to me, it was a life-saving grace."

 Zuo Ning Yan was absolutely stunned, thinking back some time, and then suddenly smiling, saying, "Turns out it's this way...... I have some impression. But emperor, that year, after I entered the palace, before I had gotten to Tai Ye pond, I had already thrown that small wooden box over to a little palatial servant girl. I don't remember what she looked like, only remembered...... she seemed to be about as big as I was, and wore the uniform of the laundry department...... that soup, I wasn't going to drink, so I got rid of it by giving it to her, as for why it would get to you, I really don't know."

Speaking thus, she wept another trail of tears, but her face still carried a smile, "Turns out that even that former admiration was also a mistaken situation...... Ha ha ha ha why is life so ridiculous, don't you say so, emperor?"

But Zuo Ning Yan discovered that Lin Size had stopped speaking, his face now carrying an expression of shock, even more shocked than when he had learned that she was Zuo Ning Yan.

"Emperor?"

"That time, I wasn't favored much, even my clothes, I carried myself to be cleaned by the laundry department, so ever servant girl of the laundry department, I still have an impression of." Lin Size suddenly spoke, his voice quivering a bit, "that year, the laundry department only had one servant girl who was that small."

Zuo Ning Yan suddenly understood, but still asked, "Who was it?"

"Gu Hongjian."

Lin Size used a deep and slow breath to spit out these three words.

Zuo Ning Yan said, "Really...... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, emperor, the heavens are toying with men, the heavens are toying with men!!!"

Lin Size didn't have any response.

Zuo Ning Yan said, "Who would have thought...... only a bowl of strong soup, would actually cause us three to get tangled up for so many years...... turns out this consort, from the beginning, was always the third party, but because of this big mistake, was pulled in...... ha ha ha ha ha, emperor, you're so stupid, even if that soup was given to you by this consort, a bowl of soup only, how could it have counted for more than assistant Gu's companionship for twenty years? Morever, that soup was actually given by assistant Gu to you...... emperor, this consort still hated you a moment ago, but now thinks that, you are really a pitiful person...... ha."

Saying thus, Zuo Ning Yan turned and left the door, saying, "Ning Hao is almost here, right? I'll go out to wait for him, you can stay indoors by yourself...... we'll probably never meet again after today, emperor. I wish you luck for finding another person that looks just like assistant Gu, to accompany you for the rest of your life. After all, isn't that what you are best at? Ha ha ha ha ha!"

She seemed like she had gone crazy, crying sometimes, laughing sometimes, saying reckless words, but Lin Size wasn't angered a bit, or more like, he entirely didn't continue listening to what Zuo Ning Yan was saying.

He only sat there, looking in front of him, but his eyes were dim, as if he wasn't seeing anything.

Gu Hongjian had been here the whole time, had been watching Lin Size and Zuo Ning Yan's exchange. Her mood was just like Zuo Ning Yan's, like a small boat drifting in the great oceans, being knocked over by the waves, then lifted by the winds, then subsequently plummeting, before finally collapsing.

But ultimately, her mood calmed down entirely.

Lin Size ultimately couldn't control himself, resting himself against the back of his seat, his lips quivering.

"Why didn't you ever say...... Gu Hongjian, why didn't you ever say......"

Lin Size painfully wept, his eyebrows knotted, his eyes shut tight.

But it's still very good looking, it's still the look Gu Hongjian likes.

She looked at Lin Size, who was painfully sitting there, and reached her arms out to wrap around him.

But he couldn't feel her tight hug, and she couldn't feel his temperature.

"Because I thought that you wouldn't be happy to hear someone mention this thing. You like face so much...... missy Lin." She imagined she was speaking to Lin Size as in the past, her voice almost carrying the sound of laughter, "because we're both idiots, ah. Missy Lin."

Gu Hongjian thought, would tortoises also get this sad?

Her heart, was still being led around by Lin Size, just like her soul.

It turns out, their misunderstanding, had existed from the beginning.

Turns out, the winter solstice from twenty years ago, from the moment they had met each other, they had already missed the timing in their life for each other.